Six Ways to Get to Know Your Neighbors, Even If You’re Awkward

There are many reasons why you might not address your neighbors by their first names. Perhaps you’ve recently moved (or moved any time in the last four years, when people were understandably more reserved). Or maybe you just find it difficult to initiate contact with people under any circumstances.

I’ve lived in my current home for 11 years and have very few connections. It’s not that I don’t want to know my neighbors; I’m just great at keeping myself awkwardly to myself. How can I take small steps to become more connected to my neighborhood while still staying comfortable in my introverted bubble?

While some people are happy to invite the entire street to a dinner party or deliver baked goods door to door, some of us will never be that social. Here are some neighborly strategies for all of us.

Go outside

The easiest way to get to know people in your area is to be visible! You can complete this step in several ways.

1. Spend time in your front yard regularly. Sit on your porch at the same time every day and eventually someone will say hello. If you feel weird just sitting there, find a hobby you can do in your front yard, like reading, bird watching, or pretending to pull weeds while you drink a beer. Get to know the rhythms of the neighborhood, such as when others walk their dogs or pretend to pull weeds.

2. Take a walk. Imagine you’re on a surveillance mission to learn as much as you can about the people around you without being creepy or criminal. Repeat your walks, short or long, every day and see how quickly the information accumulates.

Try this for a week and just smile at anyone who looks you in the eye. Maybe next week you can wave or say hello. You’ll end up chatting, joking with someone, and maybe snagging a few names and phone numbers.

Connect online

We’re all more comfortable communicating through screens these days, aren’t we? Take advantage of this trend and be active in your area’s social media groups on Facebook or Nextdoor.

Sarah Johnson, coordinator of the Trusted Neighborhood Project , shared this script to introduce herself to neighbors on social media: “Hi! I live on Sunflower Lane and would like to get to know more people in our area. Comment below with your street name and what you like most about our area.”

Yes, it sounds trivial, but it is a way to achieve success with minimal risk. At least you’ll know who the local busybodies are, which will help with the next tip…

Connect to an adjacent “connector”

You know, that person who knows everyone and is enthusiastic about bringing them all together? They will introduce you, give you all the information, and compensate for your natural introversion when it comes to making friends.

Attend neighborhood events

Don’t prepare yourself for a panic attack by purchasing a ticket to the annual official fundraiser. Look for social gatherings where you can walk in, socialize for a bit, and leave as soon as you start to sweat. Try a garage sale or library book sale. When there is activity going on, attention will not be focused on you, making it easier to interact with people at ease. Try it for five minutes; if you have to bail, no one will notice.

Look for common interests

If you have a legitimate interest in gardening, you will notice neighbors who also garden. Ask them about their garden! Asking questions is the easiest way to build rapport because you focus your attention on the other person. If you have a dog, interact with other dog walkers during your walks. If you have a child, ask other parents about activities you can do with your kids.

Admit your awkwardness

If you tend to get nervous in social situations, you probably know the relief that comes when another person admits that they are nervous. It breaks the spell that makes you think everyone else is the cool guy and you’re the only weird one.

You could be the one to break the spell. It’s okay to admit that you’ve lived in the neighborhood for a while but haven’t met people. If social anxiety has made you think your neighbors are judgmental or untrustworthy, challenge yourself to question those beliefs. Look for evidence that they are friendly or not paying attention to you at all.

Throughout this process, remember to practice self-compassion. Take your time and it’s never too late to start communicating. Building relationships is a slow process. If after a year you enjoy chatting with one person on the street from time to time, your efforts have been successful.

Why worry?

If you need a few reminders about why it’s good to be friends with your neighbors, here are some practical benefits of connecting with your community:

• Social opportunities. If you’re reading how introverts can get to know their neighbors, you may not have a high social need, but think about the kids! Knowing and trusting your neighbors means your children will have more playmates, as well as someone nearby to turn to in the event of a real emergency.

• Increased security. Friendly neighbors are more likely to look out for each other, making your home and neighborhood safer. Let the couple next door know you’re going on vacation, and you won’t have to worry so much about bandits on the porch.

• Access to local knowledge. Neighbors often have valuable local knowledge, such as recommendations for reliable service providers, upcoming events, or tips on the best places to shop, eat, or go in the area.

• Shared resources. I don’t want to sound like an opportunist, but let’s say your neighbor has a truck and you need to move a couch that won’t fit in your Prius. Are you going to rent a truck or offer to hand over your overflowing harvest of cherry tomatoes?

• Best atmosphere in the area. When neighbors are friendly, they are more likely to participate in activities that benefit the entire community, such as starting a community garden. On a personal level, interacting with the people walking dogs on your street will reduce the likelihood that they will leave dog waste in your yard.

Nobody says you have to run out and exchange phone numbers with everyone on your block as soon as you move in. By taking small steps to become more visible and visible in the area, you can gradually develop your own community to be safer, more supportive, and fun.

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