What People Are Getting Wrong This Week: ‘Fun’ Conspiracy Theories
I used to think conspiracy theories were fun. It was interesting/funny that there were people who believed that we faked the moon landing or that Elvis Presley didn’t actually die in 1977 (instead he put on a mask, changed his name to ” Orion ” and continued singing.) But this The kind of “harmless crank” conspiracy theories have always been rare. They are usually eclipsed in popularity by the hateful (but politically useful) conspiracy theories that boil down to “it’s the Jews’ fault.”
However, there are still some “harmless” conspiracy theories out there that reflect the old “wait, people believe this?” energy. Below are my favorites, as well as a couple of conspiracy theories that seem harmless on the surface, but secretly hide some terrible beliefs.
Actually the year is 1727.
According to the ” phantom time hypothesis”, it is not 2024. This is 1727. The years 614 to 911 never occurred. They were simply added to the calendar to artificially move the date forward. The theory comes from German writer Heribert Illig, who detailed the theory in a 1996 book (sorry, I mean 1699). Illig blames the missing time on Holy Roman Emperor Otto III and Pope Sylvester II, who conspired to change the dates so that Otto could become emperor in 1000. to legitimize his reign, carbon dating, recorded appearances of eclipses and comets, stories written in China, and a ton of other evidence disprove this theory, but ultimately I’m just glad the Jews haven’t been accused of stealing all these years. .
The moon is not real
This conspiracy theory comes from the world of flat earthers, and even there it is a fringe belief, but the theory claims that the moon does not physically exist. What you see in the sky at night is a projection from someone, presumably to make us think the world is round. Oddly enough, this makes sense. If the Earth were truly flat, the Moon’s movement across the sky would make no sense—unless it actually isn’t there . Since we can see the Moon, it must be a projection. There can be no other explanation.
It’s a good idea to “tan your ass”
This is a fringe belief in the “health community”, practicing “perineal tanning” or “anal tanning”. They believe that short-term exposure to sunlight in the area between the genitals and anus gives you energy, improves circulation, regulates hormones and has many beneficial properties. other health benefits. It is impossible to absolutely prove that this is not so, but there is also no evidence that this is so. Doctors note that the spot is sensitive to sunlight, so you can get a sunburn, and tanning where the sun (traditionally) doesn’t shine puts you at greater risk of developing skin cancer, but ass tanners generally recommend very short exposures and suggest using sunscreen. So you should probably do this.
You don’t need food and water to live
Breatharians believe that we do not need food to live, and some believe that we do not need water. In the West, this belief dates back to a 1670 Rosicrucian text describing a physician who lived “several years receiving only half the hidden energy of the Solar Quintessence.” Full fasting is also described in old Hindu texts and is often attributed to particularly enlightened or wise people. Periodically, people still claim that they haven’t eaten or drunk for months or years to this day (and scientists are baffled ). Eventually, all of these people get caught stealing food (like the founder of the Breatharian Institute of America who was spotted outside a 7-11 eating a hot dog, a Slurpee, and a box of Twinkies), or they haven’t been caught yet.
Death is not inevitable
Immoralists believe that life can be extended indefinitely. Obviously, a lot of scientific effort is being put into extending human life, but for now everyone will die. Even you. Like the Breatharians, various people throughout history have publicly claimed immortality , but as far as we know, they all eventually died (and their deaths must have been particularly ignominious).
Pine cones – mystical symbols
Many people believe that the appearance of pine cones in the art of various ancient civilizations is a symbol of human enlightenment and the pineal gland, which is considered the source of mystical knowledge and visions. What the YouTube videos and websites that confidently promote these theories don’t seem to understand is that the pineal gland was named after the pine cone because the gland is the same shape. There is also no reason to think that images of pine cones symbolized the same thing for the ancient Assyrians as for the ancient Greeks . We don’t know what they mean. A more reasonable theory is that pine cones are often depicted in ancient art because their repeating patterns are visually interesting and fun to sculpt.
Two secretly harmful conspiracy theories
These two conspiracy theories seem like “wacky and fun” conspiracy theories, but once you scratch the surface, you realize that they are actually based on toxic ideas.
Helen Keller was a fraud
This conspiracy theory claims that Helen Keller did not actually do all the things she is credited for, such as writing books, or that she was not actually deaf and blind. “Helen Keller is a fraud” has become a popular meme on TikTok over the past few years, but the accusation actually dates back to 1892 . While I think the TikTokers were mostly joking, this is not as “harmless” a theory as it may seem, since it is based on the belief that people with disabilities are not sufficiently capable of certain intellectual tasks.
On the other hand (and giving this theory much more credence than it probably deserves) in the 1960s and 1970s it was quite widely believed that ” facilitated communication ” could allow nonverbal people (mostly people with severe autism ) communicate . With the help of a facilitator who helped them point out letters and words, some previously speechless people wrote books and graduated from college. But once real testing was done, it turned out that communication was the product of the presenter alone. The same could have happened to Keller; there is no reason to think that this is the case , but it is at least possible. (Unlike the crazy theory below.)
The White House was built thousands of years ago by giants
When I first heard about the ” Tartarian Empire “, I thought I had found a rich and fascinating conspiracy theory that wouldn’t make me think “gross”. I was wrong.
The Tatars, according to conspiracy theorists, were/are an ancient but advanced civilization, sometimes considered giants , who were responsible for thousands of famous buildings around the world, including Notre Dame de Paris, the Great Wall of China, the Eiffel Tower, the White House and virtually every luxurious pre-modern structure you’ve ever seen. These buildings were built thousands of years ago, and they are not just buildings; they hold the key to Tartar free energy, and if you study them closely enough (and your hat is too tight), you can find hidden clues in the architectural details. The Tatars were buried in some kind of “mud flood,” which, depending on who you ask, happened quite recently, 100 years ago (during my grandmother’s lifetime!). Much of recent history, including the First and Second World Wars, has been an attempt to erase evidence of the Tatars in order to hide from us the secret of their free energy.
This may seem like a stupid and harmless crazy theory, but the Tatars seem an awful lot like the Aryan race that the Nazis invented. Moreover, the Tatar theory is gaining popularity, and its popularity is about to turn it from something stupid to something ugly.
Most Tatar believers seem like well-meaning fools who don’t understand architecture or history, but their theory is so outlandish that it doesn’t yet have a comprehensive historical narrative to tie it together. It’s a mixture of various silly, often contradictory ideas, but as it gains credence among the gullible, bad actors step in to shape the narrative. People like white nationalist Holocaust denier Stu Peters have been peddling Tartar theories, so it’s only a matter of time before the old conspiracy theory pattern repeats itself and someone answers the question, “What happened to the Tartars?” with “it was the Jews’ fault.”