30 Films That Would Be Impossible to Make Today

There was a time when writer-director James L. Brooks could command budgets in the many tens of millions of dollars. As Good As It Was cost $50 million to make (equivalent to $85 million today), which is on the low end of the budget. A typical budget for a Brooks film of the era: 2004’s Spanglish cost $80 million, and 2010’s forgotten How Do You Know came in at a whopping $120 million (back when that was real money). For Brooks in particular, part of this is due to his increasingly successful successes: his hits made a lot of money and won awards; his failures were real tragedies. But the broader implication is that risk-averse studios simply don’t want to throw that kind of money into something without a guaranteed audience anymore. If you look at the budgets of romantic comedies over the past few years, they tend to be around $30 million, with most of them being in the $10 to $20 million range.

Where to watch: Roku Channel.

Same with Something’s Gotta Give : The movie cost $80 million and made back every penny and then some. But again, studios don’t spend that kind of money on rom-coms anymore. There is also a limited market for non-genre films aimed at adults; By “adults,” I mean middle-aged and older. The film will be released straight to HBO Max today.

Where to watch: Netflix

I’m the last person to go around complaining about “cancel culture”: audiences have a right to have feelings about inflammatory material, and if they don’t want to spend their money on films filled with lazy sexism, racism or homosexuality-phobic stereotypes, that’s how it is is happening. Blazing Saddles isn’t really guilty of any of this, even if passages taken out of context might give that impression. Mel Brooks is an equal opportunity offender in many ways, but he’s smart enough to realize that some victims (in this case racist white guys) practically demand to be stabbed. There are jokes, and then there is fire, which he directs at the ignorant.

That being said, it would be truly shocking if a studio financed something like Blazing Saddles anytime soon, especially with a white man at the helm. Failure to follow the line that Brooks so adeptly walked here could easily push something like this into offensive territory; Likewise, parodying racism in 2021 is just as likely to spark an alt-right Twitter storm that will keep asses out of seats.

Where to watch: Netflix

Until Reagan (and pretty much Thatcher), 1979 was probably the last time we saw a Christian-themed religious farce with such poignancy, without being accompanied by a bunch of nonsense – less than a decade later, the very devout Catholic Martin Scorsese took it seriously. The Last Temptation of Christ was met with boycotts, death threats and the bombing of a packed theater in Paris. Years later, video stores like Blockbuster refused to even sell the VHS tape, all due to doctrinal differences that, frankly, seem pretty baffling to less devout viewers. While I have no doubt that there are plenty of things about the popular films of the 2020s that believers find distasteful, the market won’t tolerate a film with so much potential that could turn off so many potential ticket buyers.

Where to watch: Netflix

Likewise, I’m not sure there’s much, if any, room in today’s market for John Waters’ brand of low-budget bad taste. Of course, there was no market in the 70s either, but there was room for innovation that could create future cult classics. It’s great that in 2021 anyone can make a movie using just a phone, but the resulting volume of content means that much of it gets lost in the noise, and too many attempts at this kind of revolutionary filmmaking end up failing. looks like a muted stylization. If one does land, you’ll probably catch them not at your local art house, but at a digital box office.

Where to watch: digital rental.

The 1980s were a golden age for suspenseful films aimed at children (see also: The Dark Crystal , The NeverEnding Story , Pee-wee’s Big Adventure ), of which Gremlins was a great example. Directed by Joe Dante, fresh from The Howling , it combines horror-movie level creature effects with a darkly comic tone that makes everything even crazier, especially considering the film’s extensive marketing, which included video games, books for easy reading and endless books. dolls and toys. It’s not that we still don’t make scary movies for kids, but over the last couple of decades you’d be hard-pressed to find anything that lives up to the gremlins scene in the movie. Or the microwave part. Or the bit about the dad who dressed up as Santa and died in the chimney. Come to think of it, maybe it would be for the best if we didn’t sell toys from movies like this anymore.

Where to watch: digital rental.

This series of wacky films features plenty of boob jokes (all of which fall on the slightly less raunchy side of ’80s comedies), as well as the very questionable ideas about consent common in ’80s comedies… but we’re not likely to see again a movie about stupid and incompetent cops. To some this would be funny, while blue lives matter will be picketing. Pass.

Where to watch: digital rental.

The venerable genre of teen sex comedy arguably reached its peak with director Bob Clark’s Porky’s , thanks in large part to the talent of director Bob Clark ( Black Christmas , A Christmas Story ). However, as with Porky’s , almost every example of the genre (almost exclusively white and male) included at least one wacky episode in which some guys found a way to sneak into a women’s locker room (or similar infraction), and/or segments rape is about how women are tricked into having sex. There’s a reason why more modern examples of the genre, from Blockers to Booksmart , put women at the forefront.

Where to watch: Digital rental on YouTube.

The last time a historical epic came anywhere close to the level of Titanic was 2000’s Gladiator , which still hasn’t done a quarter of what James Cameron’s blockbuster has done. Later epics such as Troy , Alexander , Exodus , Pompeii and the Kingdom of Heaven were largely ineffective, with the exception of the occasional 20th century war film such as Dunkirk or “1917 “. It’s not that Hollywood isn’t still trying to play in this pond, but the investment is much lower. Ridley Scott’s The Last Duel , for example, cost half as much as Titanic did (25 years later) and was still crushed at the box office (fairly or not) by Halloween Kills , which was also free to stream at the time the same day it was filmed. released.

Where to watch: Paramount+, Apple TV+

While this movie is ostensibly well-intentioned, it’s a movie about a white man who uses blackface (or, technically, “tanning pills”) to get a scholarship he wouldn’t otherwise be entitled to – and which he gets because real black people are obviously unable to compete.

All of this ends up teaching him how to be black… or something like that. I’ll just leave it there.

Where to watch: digital rental.

Tootsie is without a doubt a classic and was wildly popular at the time of its release, earning the second-highest box office gross of the year as well as an Academy Award nomination for Best Picture. It is also the story of a man who begins to feel that the opportunities for women are so much greater than for men that he has no choice but to secretly dress up in costume to audition for a role in a soap opera. The idea that a male character is best suited to teach viewers what it’s like to be a woman is very dated, and the underappreciated preoccupation with women doing all the work seems a little… premature. The later musical version plays with these ideas a bit, so a Tootsie remake may never happen, but certainly not in its original form. (The musical also didn’t spark The Great White Way; it closed after 293 performances, which isn’t a lot for a major production.)

Where to stream: MGM+

“Let’s tell the story of the Meiji Restoration in Japan. We will invite Tom Cruise to play the lead role!” …I’m sure there are still studio executives who would happily buy into this offering, but there are fewer of them… I think?

Where to watch: digital rental.

The whole “Let’s explore minorities with straight white men!” the genre is all but dead, or so one would hope.

Where to stream: Max

You know why.

Where to stream: Tubi, Hoopla

There came a point in pop culture not too long ago when every successful movie genre got a quick parody, starting with the not-bad Scary Movie , which poked fun at teen slasher films like Scream. But after a few passable examples ( “Not Another Teen Movie “), the type evolved into a never-ending stream of films that mostly just repeated lines and passages from more popular films (often comedies in their own right), like your drunk uncle reciting the plot. ” You don’t want to” Don’t mess with the Zohan during the worst Thanksgiving dinner of your life. Sometimes they manage to come up with a decent dad-joke style title (like the Twilight parody “Break in the Wind” ), but others don’t even go that far, with lazy titles like The Superhero Movie , Meet the Spartans , The Hunger Games ” and “Paranormal Movie”. But it’s hard to make films that distort the zeitgeist when the zeitgeist is no longer there. I doubt anyone is too upset that we’re not doing this anymore.

Where to watch: Tubi, Plex

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with a film that views race through a white lens. A quality film like Driving Miss Daisy or, say, To Kill a Mockingbird holds the hands of white audiences by depicting white characters forced to come to terms with their own racism, or at least the racism of the world around them. It’s just that for many decades, the white point of view was considered by studios to be the only valid one, and black filmmakers were rarely given the opportunity to present stories about race and racism on their own terms, without having to foreground white people. characters. It still happens (looking at you, Green Book ), but it’s becoming increasingly tiresome and tedious, and thankfully we see it a lot less often.

Where to watch: digital rental.

I love the Color Purple . Whatever its structural flaws, this is one of Steven Spielberg’s best films, and I never found myself drawn in after a couple of minutes of viewing. However, this is a film about the black American experience in which almost all of the major behind-the-scenes figures are white (the notable exception of co-producer and composer Quincy Jones). With that in mind, it’s remarkable that the film so carefully avoids the problem of the white gaze perspective that influences so many other black stories made by white directors, and that it isn’t afraid to explore the complexities of its characters. Really wonderful. But all of this says more about the talents of an all-time great director (and actors) than it does about the wisdom of conveying black perspectives to white creators. The new musical adaptation isn’t necessarily superior to Spielberg’s version… but it at least avoids those problems.

Where to stream: Max

I’m not sure this premise was particularly innovative, even back in 1983. so for decades. So in this (and similar films of the time) we have an extended episode of I Love Lucy about a man who learns how hard it is to run a household when his wife goes to work.

Where to watch: Tubi, MGM+, AMC+

I don’t want to be too harsh on Sixteen Candles. Like many John Hughes films, it manages to retain some charm despite several significant problems, not the least of which is the central date rape, and that in itself is an achievement.

Likewise, with all due respect to the very talented Gedda Watanabe, Long Duk Dong represents every Asian stereotype rolled into one, all of which were already outdated by 1984.

Where to watch: Tubi

There’s a huge dose of gross ’80s sexual politics here, especially in the part where one of the main characters tricks a woman into having sex with him into thinking he’s her real boyfriend.

Putting that aside, this isn’t what nerdy comedy looks like in 2021. Unlike the 80s, the entertainment world is now largely run by geeks and fools. Even on The Big Bang Theory, the idiots almost all had strong relationships and well-paying jobs, and spent their free time “spotting” popular pop culture entertainment around the world.

Where to watch: Starz

Star power waxes and wanes, both in terms of individual celebrities and in terms of the stars’ overall ability to attract audiences to movie theaters—think of the infamous “box office poison” ads of the 1930s, pulled by theater owners demanding that studios focus more attention on popular stories and stop spending so much money on stars that no one cares about anymore. So who knows what the future holds, but individual stars have little opportunity to occupy the positions they once occupied, victims of our franchise-driven film culture.

Something like Air Force One might have done well in its day, but the presence of Harrison Ford made it a blockbuster. Even a comparative bomb like “Regarding Henry” made money. Looking at today’s top earners, a very different picture emerges: Robert Downey, Samuel L. Jackson and Scarlett Johansson are the top box office drawers by virtually every metric, but for each of them, that ranking is almost entirely dependent on Marvel films. – even though the poster depicted the biggest star in the world, people were in no hurry to see Dolittle .

Where to stream: AMC+

Ordinary People wasn’t particularly expensive, but it is an adult-oriented family drama (almost entirely devoid of high concept) that has all but disappeared from theaters. Instead, the genre has split into two television variations: the prestige drama series (such as HBO’s Scenes from a Wedding ) or the slightly less prestige Lifetime/Hallmark-style TV movie.

Where to stream: Max

Two things may surprise you about The Reader , which was nominated for the Best Picture Oscar: it was relatively expensive and it made good money…both of which are less likely to happen in today’s market. These are the type of films we used to call “Oscar bait,” but today’s Oscar winners tend to be indie films like Nomadland rather than studio films like… well, Green Book.

Where to watch: Prime Video, Tubi, BritBox.

Queer content in mainstream films released in theaters has been a mixed bag even in the 2010s and 2020s. We expected that, given the critical and box office success of Brokeback Mountain and, to a lesser extent, since it was an indie version of Moonlight (to name a few), there would be an explosion of mainstream LGBTQ+ cinema. This never came to fruition, largely because larger budgets led to greater risk aversion within the studios, especially given the need to sell films around the world. As difficult as gay material may be for some American audiences to sell, there are huge markets overseas where such things are not suitable. That’s why, after nearly 25 Marvel movies, we had one very brief, easily cut moment of an unnamed male character mentioning dating another man… and why the big gay moment in Star Wars was the same blink-and- you’ll miss this. It looks like the upcoming Eternals will include a slightly weirder performance, but for now, I’ll believe it when I see it.

Luckily, streaming has opened up a lot of opportunities for queer-themed shows and movies, so it’s definitely not that bad.

Where to stream: Peacock

It’s tempting to laugh at “You’ve Got Mail” because of the novelty with which it approaches something as exotic as “email,” but in many ways the story would be even easier to write today, given that there are even more ways to anonymous connection. No, this brings us back to the budget issue: studios either want to spend a ton of money on a known quantity, or they want to spend next to nothing and hope they get lucky. You Got Mail cost a whopping $65 million (in 1998 dollars); it paid off with the profitability of Meg Ryan, Tom Hanks and Nora Ephron reuniting six years after Sleepless in Seattle . But stars don’t drive box office revenue anymore… franchises do.

Where to watch: HBO Max.

Look, we make a lot of adjustments to the classics, and none more so than these types of stupid old musicals. But the story here isn’t easily reconciled with more modern ideas about women’s roles in society: we’re less likely to support mass kidnappings, for example. In the film, backwoodsman Adam Pontipee comes to town looking for a wife and finds her in Jane Powell’s “Millie.” Only it turns out that he was lying about his situation and expects her to take care of not only him, but also his six brothers (he later rejects her for giving birth to a girl). These brothers, in turn, like the women they meet at the barn, all of whom already have boyfriends. The boys sing a cheerful song (“Sobbin’ Women”) about the legendary rapes of the Sabine women during the founding of Rome, which inspires them to beat the suitors to death and drag the women back to the inaccessible family hut, held against their will until they are convinced to consent. Which, of course, they eventually do—and sing another happy song about it.

Where to watch: digital rental.

It’s not that there haven’t been good superhero movies over the last three decades or so, and some of them have even been Batman movies. But they all lack Tim Burton’s peculiar weirdness in his stature and, more importantly, they lack sex. It’s not the same as suggesting that these films require explicit sex scenes, but the relationships in our modern blockbusters tend to feel like a dreary version of high school romance. Our four-quadrant era demands that films be broadcast to as large an international audience as possible, so that neither a toddler in China nor an elderly woman in Peoria can be offended. In an earlier era, characters like Christopher Reeve’s Superman and Margot Kidder’s Lois Lane could provide genuine sparks while remaining family-friendly, but here our hero falls hard (against all odds) for a thief in black patent leather. overalls. There’s face licking, rough foreplay, choking, seductive dancing – compare that to the completely sexless relationship between Tony Stark and Pepper Potts in modern Marvel films, and I think you’ll see what I mean.

Where to watch: Max, Prime Video

The power of suggestion at work in this film is so visceral that it led authorities to think that the filmmakers had recorded something real; Italian authorities charged director Ruggero Deodato with obscenity, for which he was convicted, and murder, for which he was not convicted. No people were harmed during the making of the film. Animals, though? There are several very real animal deaths that occur on screen, which still make the film difficult to watch.

Where to stream: Peacock

Marnie is in many ways the forgotten great of Hitchcock’s late period: he followed Psycho and The Birds with this mesmerizing psychosexual thriller with a brilliant performance from Tippi Hedren. It fails only in its rather abrupt conclusion, and in its particularly grotesque use of an old ugly trope: rape as seduction. Here, Sean Connery forces his way through Marnie’s extreme sexual reluctance, and while the film doesn’t go so far as to claim that it’s entirely good, it nonetheless works. We’re hopefully moving beyond the idea of ​​”no means yes” when it comes to sex, but it also feels like we’re beyond movies that even try to touch on adult sexuality; Marnie will be a tough sell on both counts.

Where to watch: digital rental.

The cheap answer to why this can’t be done today is, of course, disco. Even given the popularity of something like Strictly Come Dancing , there are few scenarios in which a popular dance craze could be seen as a viable way to escape crime and poverty. But people forget that the film is not all John Travolta and white suits – this film is dark , with themes of violence, despair, suicide and sexual assault. When Tony’s (Travolta) friends rape Donna Pescow’s Annette, he makes it clear to her that he’s pretty sure it’s her fault. The filmmakers try to emphasize that the world of New York outside the dance club is ugly and dangerous, but moments like these are especially hard to watch.

Where to watch: Paramount+