How to Stop Beating Yourself up About Your Body Image

We all have thoughts and feelings about how our bodies look and fit into the world. Body image can change by the minute, by the day, and by the seasons of life, but if it’s a source of stress for you, there are ways to gently reframe how you feel about your body. To get advice on how to deal with negative body image and practice self-compassion in the process, I spoke with three body image experts:

• Sofia Apostol , body liberation coach.

• Dacey Gillespie , personal stylist who advocates against dieting and weight loss.

• Ginny Jones , coach specializing in helping parents with mental health issues and recovery from eating disorders.

Here’s what they had to say about internalized weight stigma, negative body image, and self-compassion.

Feeling bad about your body image is hard.

Body image is a combination of how you see your body, how you feel about your body, how you think about your body, and your behavior in response to these other aspects. The way you see, think, feel, and act in response to your body is influenced by many factors, many of which don’t even involve your actual body. Think about the Everest-sized piles of messages you’ve received throughout your life about what makes a body fit, healthy, and beautiful. It’s no surprise that you’re acutely aware of how different your body is from the “ideal.”

“Weight stigma is the belief that our bodies should look like the models you see on magazine covers, in marketing ads and in most movies (i.e. thin and/or muscular),” Apostol said. – So, when your body size is inconsistent If you conform to these common cultural standards of beauty, fitness, and health, you will face weight stigma and discrimination called anti-fat bias. Rooted in racism, anti-fat bias impacts many aspects of people’s lives, including their job prospects and access to evidence-based healthcare, to name a few.”

Body image can be affected by this internalized weight stigma, the cultural devaluation of fat people that we have learned from the media, medicine, and others around us and applied to ourselves.

“When we take these negative attitudes toward fatness and turn them inward, judging our bodies and believing that we are not worthy of equal opportunity because of our body size, it becomes internalized weight stigma,” Apostle said. “Basically, the world is telling you that you don’t fit in, and you believe it. Diet culture lights you up.”

How negative body image takes root

When you feel like there’s something “wrong” with your appearance, have you ever wondered who decides what makes a body right or wrong?

“When you believe that you are inherently less worthy than others based on your body size, you will begin to dissect every aspect of your body and what you think should be different,” Gillespie said. “These thoughts become your internal dialogue and prevent you from seeing the positive aspects and beauty of your body for what it is.”

As a result of a negative body image, you may feel unworthy of compassion, love, friendship, personal style, professional opportunities, or comfort in public places. Of course we all want it, but weight stigma and negative body image can leave us torn between “fixing” our body, accepting it, or languishing in limbo.

“Someone who has internalized weight stigma believes that they must control or change their body in order to achieve basic human dignity. This is problematic because weight cannot be adjusted like a thermostat, and even if it were possible, a certain weight should not be required for us to deserve basic dignity and respect,” Jones said. “We are all, no matter our weight, equally worthy and beautiful.”

Tips for accepting your body and improving body image

Give yourself permission to be where you are

“We are all swimming in an ocean of messages that says thin means better/healthier/more moral. It takes time and courage to completely break away from diet culture, so be proud of the work you do to heal your relationship with your body,” Apostle said.

Diversify your social media feeds

Apostol recommends following 10 authors in each of these categories:

• Fat Free Activists

• Anti-racism educators

• Disability Justice Activists

• BIPOC Artists and Writers

• Neurodivergent people

• Trans people

• Strange people

“If your feed is filled with people who look just like you or are similar to your desired self, you are participating in creating your own negative body image,” she said.

The opportunity to see body diversity in the media is relatively new, so take advantage of it.

“For too long we have only seen images of thin women in the media. Our eyes are trained to see these bodies only as attractive,” Gillespie said. “Today, you can curate your social media feeds and specifically look for images of people of different body types that look interesting and stylish. Your eye will need time to adjust.”

Find your people

People who sell ways to change your body to fit your ideal are not the people who will support you on your journey to improving your body image.

“Our culture is filled with messages that there is a right way and a wrong way to have a body, and this feeds internalized weight stigma. To overcome negative body image, I sought out people who believe that all bodies are equally worthy at any size. “I’m not talking about the mainstream body positivity message that you should love your body, but the deeper, more meaningful message that all bodies are worthy of respect and dignity,” Jones said.

Apostle suggests looking for fat loss Facebook groups, anti-diet podcasts, liberation-oriented group training or therapy, and personal social groups.

Distance yourself from people who make you feel bad about your body.

“We each take our own path, and you may have to take a different path than your family and friends. If they are unable to respect the journey of accepting your body, then spend more time with people who do,” Apostle said.

Don’t believe that mirrors and photographs reflect reality.

“What we see in the mirror has layers of our own negative thoughts superimposed on it. Photos capture one small second and perspective. They don’t take over your life and your energy,” Gillespie said. “(My) best example: I was in Costa Rica last week. None of the photographs I took of the amazing sunsets captured their true beauty.”

Separate your worth from your weight

Jones said this was key to her recovery from the negative body image she had experienced throughout her life.

“This didn’t happen overnight. After all, for most of my life I believed that my weight had to be low in order to be loved. Naturally, it took several years of deliberate practice to develop a new belief that I was 100% worthy of love, acceptance and appreciation at any weight,” she said.

Work on your self-talk

According to Jones, it’s not as simple as stopping negative self-talk because it can backfire.

“Instead, I notice every negative body thought and intentionally choose a kind response, like, ‘Oh, here I am, I’m having negative body thoughts.’ This is fine. I know my worth doesn’t depend on my weight.” By repeating this hundreds of times, I moved from internalized weight stigma to body respect,” she said.

This is a difficult process, so be compassionate with yourself.

The apostle suggests asking yourself one of these questions when you begin to feel self-condemnation:

• What am I really upset about right now? (“Usually it’s not about my body, it’s about how someone else will judge me. So it really upsets me how someone treats fat people,” Apostle said.)

• How can I take care of myself right now?

• What is possible at this moment?

• What would I like to do in this situation?

Changing the way you feel and think about your body won’t happen overnight.

“We must recognize that for over 100 years, thin bodies have been considered an ideal. This was taught to our mothers and our mothers’ mothers, and so on. There are billion-dollar companies that sell us the idea that we should constantly strive to become smaller. Your whole life, up until the point where you decided to try to make a change, the media and maybe the people in your life were telling you the same message,” Gillespie said. “The idea that you can reverse this conditioning just by deciding one day to change your thinking is bananas. Give yourself grace. Of course, you’re not here yet!”

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