How to Get Better at Slow Parenting (and Why You Should Do It)
From school attendance to after-school practices to weekend soccer games, parenting can sometimes feel like one big logistical rush to get from point A to point B on time. Even though we know that overscheduling your kids’ activities doesn’t make them any better. average and doesn’t improve their mental health (and it definitely doesn’t do you any good), it’s an easy trap to fall into. If this sounds familiar, there’s a parenting style that you might find appealing: slow parenting.
Slow parenting, as it is properly called, allows you and your family to move at your own speed. It gained popularity as journalist Carl Honoré’s articles on the movement grew in popularity, and it was proven to help children (and parents) experience life more fully so they could understand who they really are.
“We get so many messages about what we should be doing and what we should be doing,” says Bernadette Noll, author of Slow Marriage: 75 Simple Ways to Slow Down, Connect, and Create More Joy . “I think the answer to a slow family lies within each of us, when we give ourselves enough time to pause and evaluate what we want from family life.”
If you want to slow down your own parenting, here’s how to get started.
Be present
It’s been said a million times: Smartphones can distract us from the present moment, so Knoll recommends being mindful of the time you spend together. When all screens are put away, you can enjoy the moment and connect as a family without the burden of your schedule. If it’s been a long and tiring day, you can just lie on the floor and interact with the kids (if they’ll let you lie down, anyway).
“It means paying attention and finding presence wherever possible throughout the day,” Noll says. “You put everything aside for 10 or 15 minutes. These connection points don’t require gigantic amounts of time.”
Give yourself plenty of time
If you’ve ever tried to rush your kids to school or swim practice, you know that rushing them will inevitably lead to disruption. If you find that getting everyone ready the last 10 minutes before you leave is causing people to panic, give everyone 20 minutes instead.
“I equate it to being stuck in traffic and having an appointment,” Noll says. “You’re driving, cursing other drivers because of the way they drive, and you’re just really stressed. If you’ve allowed yourself enough time to get there, it’s a completely different feeling.”
Put family time on your calendar
Slow parenting means putting fewer appointments on your calendar, right? But think about how much weight something has on your schedule. You won’t let anything happen at the last minute and interfere with that meeting or meeting. By building family time into your calendar, you’ll be less likely to waste that time on someone or something else.
“You give it as much attention as you would any other activity you put on your calendar,” Noll says.
Discuss what works (and what doesn’t)
It will take some time to figure out whether slow parenting best suits your family dynamics, so Knoll suggests taking time during the week to evaluate what’s working, what’s not, and what your priorities are. Ask yourself if the way things are going is right for your home, and work together to plan, prioritize and set achievable goals.
Your children won’t be left behind
There is enormous pressure to fill a college resume with extracurricular activities and volunteer opportunities, which directly goes against the principles of slow parenting. However, lightening the load can make students feel like they are falling behind the norm.
Knoll says if your family takes the time to prioritize and set goals, students won’t feel like they have to catch up to get into a good school. Much of what colleges strive for can be achieved together as a family.
“You can work on events together,” Noll says. “You can volunteer together. You can include a list [of goals] of things you want to do as a family.”