Signs Your Child Feels Ignored (and the Best Ways to Deal With It)
Raising children is difficult, especially when life gets complicated and overwhelming. It can be all too easy to let things slip when you’re dealing with family emergencies, juggling family and a busy job, or trying to balance the needs of everyone in the family. Sometimes, despite a parent’s best efforts and intentions, this can result in a child feeling ignored.
“Feeling seen and heard is critical to mental health,” says Mary Murphy, a child psychologist at Stanford University and author of Cultures of Growth . “When children don’t feel seen or heard, they experience more anxiety, depression and other mental health problems.”
Signs your child feels ignored
Children may end up feeling ignored by their parents for a number of reasons. According to Murphy, some of the main reasons may include lack of attention from parents; having a sibling with either high needs or high achievement, to the extent that the balance of time and attention spent on different children is skewed; or if there is a lot of conflict in the family, which can often take time and energy away from the child.
If a child begins to feel ignored by their parents, they will often show a number of early warning signs, such as asking a lot of questions, making a lot of demands to spend time with the parent; or ask to do certain things together. “These are cues or cues that children want to communicate more with their parents,” Murphy says.
These are some of the first signs that a child feels ignored. If this continues for some time, children will often begin to show anger, resentment, or apathy at school or at home. Whether it’s a tantrum or a shutdown, this behavior can be a warning sign that they’re being ignored for a while.
Some common parenting mistakes
As Murphy notes, there are a number of reasons why a child may feel neglected, whether due to tension between family members, having a sibling who is treated differently by their parents, or a general lack of attention. Generally speaking, some of the main mistakes Murphy sees are parents ignoring some early warning signs, waiting only for their child to act out, or failing to recognize the impact that treating their children differently can have.
“Creating stereotypes about children and their personality and abilities (this child is good at math, this child is more of an artist) puts children into boxes and can make children feel ignored or unheard,” Murphy says. It can also make children hesitant to try new activities or take risks.
How to Help Children Feel Seen and Heard
As Murphy notes, there are several ways parents can help their children feel seen and heard. One important strategy is to set aside time to visit each child regularly and make it a priority to regularly spend quality time with them.
Another key strategy is to create an environment where they feel comfortable asking questions, trying new things, and having the opportunity to fail, as this will help them feel accepted for who they are. “Make sure they know they can change their minds and that you’ll check in with them here and there to make sure they’re having a good time learning and growing,” Murphy says.
It can also help to encourage their interests and make an active effort to be aware of those interests, as this lets them know that their parents understand and accept them. “Seeing them as unique individuals, beyond the positive or negative ideas and stereotypes that are often applied to them, helps children feel valued and whole,” Murphy says.