Use the FORD Method to Master Small Talk
While some people have no problem striking up a conversation with a stranger in a supermarket checkout line or on public transport, small talk doesn’t come naturally to others, especially those who suffer from social anxiety. But even for those who are comfortable in social situations, making small talk takes some effort.
Luckily, there are techniques and strategies that can help make starting a conversation a little easier, such as the FORD method.
What is the FORD method?
One of the most difficult aspects of small talk is coming up with something to discuss. This is where the FORD method comes to the rescue. “FORD” is an acronym that represents four nearly universal topics you might ask someone about in small talk situations:
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Family
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Class
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Rest
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Dreams
I usually give credit to the person or people who came up with the FORD method, but I have been unable to find anything definitive about the origins of this method.
Either way, think of the FORD method as a way to jog your memory when your mind goes blank during small talk. Keep in mind that this is a tool, not a formula: you don’t have to work through the categories in any order or use all four. In fact, some categories are better suited to some situations than others, so consider the context before jumping into your questions to avoid sounding a little robotic. For example, if you’re making small talk with strangers in a professional context, it’s usually best to avoid asking too personal questions, such as questions about their families and relationships. But if you’re attending a holiday dinner with your partner’s family and you know his sister has a daughter, it’s probably okay to ask how she’s doing.
It’s up to you to read the person and the situation, but here are some example entry-level questions for each category to help you get started:
Family
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“Do you have Brother or sister?” (If this seems appropriate, you can follow this up with questions like: “Are you close to them?”, “What are they like?” or “Do you see them often?”)
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“How is your [mother, father, aunt, etc.] doing?” (Assuming you’ve met them before or the person mentioned them.)
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“Do you have relatives in this area?”
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– How did you meet?
Class
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“What are you doing?” then one or more of the following :
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“How long have you been working in this field?”
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“How it works?”
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“What made you take up this job?”
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“What’s the best thing about your job?”
Rest
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“What do you like to do outside of work?”
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“Have you read any good books recently?”
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“What’s the best thing you’ve watched on TV lately?” (This could be a TV show or movie.)
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“Do you follow any sports?”
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“Are there any podcasts you’re into right now?”
Dreams
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“Where have you always wanted to go?”
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“What activity have you always wanted to do?”
When to use the FORD method
“The FORD Method will be most helpful when you are in an unstructured situation and are hoping to connect with someone,” says Courtney Morgan, a licensed professional clinical counselor (LPCC) and founder ofCounseling Unconditionally, a psychotherapy center in Louisville, Kentucky. exercise.
“Essentially, I would think of it as using ‘latency’ to connect,” she explains. This can be in a professional context (such as waiting for a meeting to start at work) or in more casual encounters, such as walking in the same direction as someone you know, or waiting to pick up a take-out order. Additionally, Morgan says the FORD method can also come in handy when you’re trying to gather information.
“It could be about the company you’re interviewing for, the school you might send your kids to, or joining a club,” she says. “This can be helpful in determining whether an organization aligns with your personal values.”
When to Avoid the FORD Method
Because the FORD method involves asking open-ended questions and listening carefully to someone’s answers, Morgan notes that this is not the best option in situations where you or the other person are in a hurry, have some other time constraint, or are in an environment where not conducive to conversation (for example, a crowded restaurant). “The person you’re talking to will be less likely to answer your questions and may even feel irritated,” she says.