What People Get Wrong This Week: Jeffrey Epstein
During a recent appearance on ESPN’s Pat McAfee Show, embattled NFL quarterback Aaron Rodgers suggested late-night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel’s name would appear in connection with notorious pedophile Jeffrey Epstein.
“A lot of people, including Jimmy Kimmel, are really hoping that [the list of names being revealed by the court] doesn’t come out,” said stupid Rogers. “If this list comes out, [I’ll] definitely release some bottle.”
There was no sound of bottles popping in the Rogers house. The names were made public , and Kimmel was not one of them. Not that it matters to the Aaron Rodgers of the world. They might say, “Well, it’s not a real list anyway,” or, “Of course, his name isn’t on the list. Disney covered it up” and go on with their day, confident that this will eventually happen. it turned out that all of Jeffrey Epstein’s friends were Democrats, Donald Trump was not involved, and Kamala Harris was there too.
It’s easy to attack Aaron Rodgers, but the first Epstein conspiracy theory wasn’t (just) a right-wing fever dream. This was widely believed by people across the political spectrum.
“Epstein did not commit suicide”
When news broke in 2019 that Jeffrey Epstein had committed suicide in his Manhattan jail cell, the phrase “Epstein didn’t commit suicide” immediately became a meme, shared by everyone from Joe Rogan to Arizona Congressman Paul Gosar. Ricky Gervais and many others. everyone you follow on Twitter. This sentence has been repeated so often that it seems to have been accepted as truth, but when you really look at it, the “Epstein was murdered” claim is as stupid as any other conspiracy theory.
The story goes that Epstein was wronged by a powerful man who did not want his secrets to be revealed. (You can insert any rich person you don’t like here: George Soros may have ordered the murder. Or it could have been Donald Trump.) Something about this seems so true and so exciting that people seem to have ignored the dirty boring reality : Prisoners kill themselves in prison all the time because prisons are terrible places, especially for pedophiles and billionaire pedophiles.
Although you cannot prove otherwise, overwhelming evidence suggests that Epstein committed suicide. There’s the autopsy that shows he hanged himself , there’s the fact that Epstein tried to kill himself weeks before he succeeded (so he clearly wanted to leave), there’s his psychiatric report . But the most important thing is common sense. Killing a high-ranking person in prison and then successfully covering up the crime is something that only happens in the movies. Too many moving parts. Too many people will have to be bribed to look the other way. There’s too much to hide from too many reporters. Too many things had to go too perfectly.
Like all conspiracy theories, the “Epstein was killed” theory is based on carefully cherry-picking tiny pieces of information and focusing on anomalies and coincidences (“the guards didn’t check on him!” or “the cameras weren’t working properly!”) that can support a conclusion already reached. while simultaneously dismissing overwhelming evidence pointing to another, simpler explanation. Evidence such as the actual autopsy, police report, and the jail’s own investigation. Epstein’s proximity to other billionaires and powerful figures gives people an easy way to fix the parts of history that aren’t working. “Well, they’re rich guys, so they can afford to hire ninjas who can break into a crowded prison undetected, enter a locked cell, commit a murder that looks exactly like a suicide, and get out undetected.”
Even if a rich man wanted to hide his connection to Epstein, why would they assume he didn’t have photos or videos that would be released if he were killed (since we’re making movie stories)? Why did they have to wait until Epstein was in jail to get him out? Wouldn’t it have been easier in those months before he surrendered to the authorities? Or even before he was suspected?
What would George Soros/Donald Trump really gain from Epstein’s death? The possibility of uncovering an elaborate murder-for-hire plot seems far more damaging than the legal testimony of a notorious pedophile. Why doesn’t Donald Soros just hire a good lawyer and say, “Your Honor, this man is Jeffrey Epstein, so his testimony can be ignored.”
Real conspiracies, not theories
This does not mean that there were no conspiracies here. There is credible evidence that at least one of the most powerful men on earth committed truly heinous crimes with Epstein and tried to cover up his involvement. It appears that federal authorities gave Epstein a light sentence when he was first caught . Two US presidents actually had something to do with this guy (though we don’t know what either of them actually did). Without a doubt, there is a lot we don’t know, because lawyers and other professionals are paid a lot to make sure we never know.
But that doesn’t mean we should just believe any old bullshit. The secrecy provided by Epstein’s wealthy friends and the stunning strangeness of the whole situation have created a Schrödinger pedophile situation where you can use the case to sharpen any ax you like and never be proven wrong. But you’ll end up looking like Aaron Rodgers, and who wants that?