7 Ways to Make Halloween a Little Spooky

When it comes to themed food, Halloween allows for more creativity. This is the only time of year when you are encouraged to be repulsive and rude; It’s a nice change of pace for a creepy woman. I don’t need to hide my weird tendencies. I can lean on them. Here are some of my favorite (culinary) ways to do it.

Invite Gabagul

Halloween is a celebration of excitement, partying with lots of drinking. To compensate for the debauchery, it’s best to provide yourself with satisfying protein and stomach-coating carbohydrates, and you might as well serve them in a body buffet. The video above will walk you through the (extremely easy) DIY process, but you don’t have to be an experienced food stylist to do it. Take a pair of old pants and a threadbare shirt, make a few slits in the fabric, and place several trays of food in your legs and chest (place a plate of ribs where the ribs will be). Add a prosciutto-garnished skull to your creepy guy and you’ve got Gabagula.

Use prosciutto for a spooky look.

Every time I cook and serve pork, my boyfriend says something like, “You know, they say pork is the closest thing to human flesh.” I don’t like it, but I feel like this meat snack bastard is reinforcing his disturbing beliefs. As I explained earlier , it looks (and feels) like this:

The prosciutto is pink, streaked with fat, and frighteningly sticky. Wrap it around a faux femur, drape it over a skull, or place it strategically on a spooky mask (like I did for the photo above) and you’ve got the start of a delicious dish of spooky enchantment. (Just remember to clean the mask and/or artificial bones first.)

You can use any artificial body part that resonates with you, but I think a mask or skull is most effective.

Serve snacks

There are two ways to make edible phelanges: Claire’s method and Ellie’s method. The Claire method is well suited for young children and people with poor motor skills. (I’m having trouble moving my arms. I love getting old!) Ellie’s method requires more skill, but not too much.

To make appetizers a la Claire , take a finger-shaped appetizer, spread a little cream cheese on it, and press an almond “fingernail” on top. (If using carrots, cut a few thin pieces near the center to create a joint.)

To make American-style snacks, you’ll need a crescent-shaped dough, a package of pre-cooked sausages, and (once again) some almonds. Wrap the sausages in strips of pastry, tuck an almond into one end and air fry them to create wickedly impressive “mommy fingers”.

Cut the eyeball ( a-ha-ha-ho )

Girls, so disgusting, I want you to know that I don’t know how to decorate cakes, but even I can make this all-seeing one-layer confection . All you need is one box of light cake batter, some food coloring, and some frosting. Divide the batter, color the two parts and pour into a round cake tin to create a large eyeball. Use the frosting to create the lid and start cutting.

Sweeten the spread with 3-ingredient Moomin Tartals.

Serving a cake requires wielding a knife, and this may not be the best idea, depending on the level of debauchery of your gathering. Instead of serving a large format dessert, use the magic of store-bought puff pastry and wrap some Nutella mummy brownies . They’re more cute than creepy, making them suitable for guests of all ages, from the young and innocent to the old and devious.

The wolf ate several spider eggs

They’re not actually spider eggs (sorry), but chicken eggs with a web design on them, which isn’t as creepy as actual real spider eggs, but they get the job done. If you can boil and crack an egg, do it. If you avoid unnatural food dyes, blueberries (fresh or frozen) form a repulsive, ghostly gray web, although blood red is hard to beat.

Ahhh!!! More mummies

I’m starting to suspect that Ellie was really into Egyptology as a child because she won’t stop making edible mummies. I’m not complaining; I would happily eat mummy fingers for breakfast, these guys for lunch and dinner, and mummy pies for dessert. Like fingers, mummies are made from sausage, only this time we’re working with hot dogs. Mustard and sesame seeds are effective observers, and puddles of green condiment “slime” indicate the appropriate degree of decomposition.