The Best Ways to Develop Conversational Intelligence

In a time when there are countless ways to share information, having a real conversation with another person—whether it’s a colleague, family member, or someone you encounter on social media—may be the most effective. This is because conversations are more than just what is said: they also influence how we navigate the many different relationships in our lives, and it takes conversational intelligence to do so successfully. Here’s what you need to know.

What is Conversational Intelligence?

Conversational intelligence is based on the idea that conversations are not only a way to share information with another person, but can affect everything from relationships to your self-confidence and outlook on life, both positively and negatively.

According to Judith E. Glaser , the late organizational anthropologist who coined the term, conversations determine the quality of the relationship, which together determine the quality of the culture of a company or other type of organization.

How to develop conversational intelligence

Although Glaser viewed conversational intelligence as something programmed into people, this does not mean that everyone is able to apply this skill at the same level. Here are some ways to develop your conversational intelligence:

Think of conversations as rituals

When it comes to talking to other people, we can fall into habitual patterns, Glaser explained, but if your regular conversations aren’t working, she suggested thinking of them as rituals : something we can all learn from.

Choose your words carefully

Words and phrases used in conversation are rarely neutral. In fact, for some people, they can carry emotional baggage . For this reason, Glaser urged people to be sensitive about their choice of words to help them gain the trust of others during a conversation, especially since words can have the opposite effect.

Reflect on the conversation

When the conversation is over, instead of immediately turning your attention to something else, take a moment to reflect on what happened . Think about what happened during the conversation—what was said, the person’s tone and body language, and auditory cues, such as periods of silence—and consider the potential impact.