How Not to Raise a Glass Child

For siblings of disabled children, life can be hard without anyone thinking about it. They may worry about their sibling when dealing with parents who are too frazzled and overwhelmed to give them equal attention, and at the same time feel resentment about it, as well as guilt for being offended. As a result, many of these children

report feeling invisible, as if they were made of glass, with their parents looking right through them. The term ” glass child ” was first coined in 2010 , and has recently been circulating on social media as siblings of disabled children discuss their shared experiences of growing up.

“Sometimes we underestimate what kids know,” says Jami Damler, licensed clinical therapist at Thriveworks . For “glass” children, “their experiences are similar to their parents,” she said. Like parents, glass children experience a mixture of grief, confusion, loss, anxiety that coexists with their love for a sibling.

Complicating this experience is the fact that for young children, “they are great observers, but not always great interpreters,” Dumler said. As Damler noted, if a child does not know what is happening, he will inevitably make up his own story about what is happening. In many cases, the story they make up may even be worse than reality, such as finding a way to blame themselves or thinking the situation is even worse than it really is.

“The glass child can often be very lonely and isolated,” Damler said. This may include feeling ignored at home, having difficulty communicating with your siblings, or feeling isolated from your peers at school who may not understand the realities of their family life.

How Parents Can Support Glass Children

Raising a child with special needs can be overwhelming, whether it’s meeting their complex medical needs or having to navigate social services to get the support they need. As a result, many parents report feeling exhausted and burned out, which can lead them to lose sight of the needs of their other children. “It can be easy to forget the needs of a glass baby sibling,” Damler said. Some glass children will also feel the need to overcompensate in becoming a perfect, successful child, or they will feel they cannot discuss their problems with their parents.

The good news is that “again and again, research shows that a little can make a big difference,” Damler said. Time spent with a glass baby doesn’t have to be long or overly formal, but rather can happen in small chunks of time, whether it’s checking in with him on a car ride to sports practice, taking him out for ice cream on a regular basis, or finding ways to touch bases on a regular basis.

It also helps keep the glass child up to date on what is happening with his sibling. “It’s very important that parents give siblings the opportunity to understand what’s going on,” Damler said. This language should be age appropriate, but the more the child understands what is going on, the better they will be able to process it. “Knowledge is power,” Dumler said.

Resources are also available, such as the Sibling Support Project , which is designed to help siblings of people with special needs, or Sibling Resources , which offers resources for adult siblings of people with disabilities.