Study Your Child’s Energy Profile to Avoid Over-Planning
Do you end each day looking over all the things you haven’t done and wondering how you will fit them into tomorrow’s list? Your child may experience the same turmoil if their activity list doesn’t match their personal energy profile. Achievement culture and endless to-do lists lead to over-planning, even for very young children.
“Considering this to be our norm, many children end up with days filled with transactional experiences, with too little time and energy for relaxation, reflection, and open (non-focused) exploration,” writes academic director and career development expert Ana. Homayoun in his new book , Erasing the Finish Line: A New Plan for Success After Grades and College Admission .
A person’s energy profile is their unique recipe for activities that energize them, activities that deplete their energy, and ways they can recharge their energy on a regular basis.
Find out your child’s energy profile
To get an idea of your child’s (or your own) energy profile, consider the following three factors:
- What activities, experiences and daily events energize
- What activities, experiences, and daily events drain you
- The best way to restore our energy daily or weekly, and the best way to do it after a particularly hard experience.
Think back to when your child was an infant or toddler. You probably had a good idea of how their energy would wax and wane throughout the day. You can easily customize their daily routine depending on when they need food, rest and activity. Surprise! Teenagers need the same attention to managing their energy – it’s just that it’s getting harder for parents to recognize their signals as they become more independent.
How Excessive Schedules Affect Children
Too much on their plate can drain a child’s energy, put them in a bad mood, and affect their ability to deal with disappointment. In other words, over-planning can turn your child into a tired, uncontrollable grumbler.
“For many students, this lack of energy, whether for pursuing other interests or just being, can lower self-esteem – after all, there is a constant nagging feeling that they never do enough and always need to be and do more,” writes Homayoun.
Over-planning can also lead to sleep loss.
“ A 2018 study examined data on physical activity, sleep, and screen time for 4,520 children in the United States and found that nearly a third did not meet any of the recommendations for exercise, sleep duration or restrictions on screen time,” Homayoun. said.
Why do parents feel pressure to reschedule?
As your child grew older, did you enroll them in classes and activities just because it seemed normal? Homayoun says our culture of achievement-based perfectionism can make over-planning irresistible, as if it were just a fact of life.
“Social media bombards us with idyllic images of a ‘perfect life’ — misleading us into thinking that perfection is our guiding star,” she said. “We’re constantly striving to ‘become good enough.’
Endless to-do lists cause everyone stress, burnout, fear, depression, and shame. According to Homayoun, people experience anxiety and depression at an ever younger age.
Tips for adjusting your child’s energy profile
Any busy person—adult or child—can deal with being overworked by focusing on time management, but Homayoun suggests focusing on energy management instead.
- Pay attention to how your child’s energy profile may change over time. Remember how much changes for children, from the body to activities and responsibilities.
- Accept that their interest and ability to communicate may go through phases.
- Realize that there is no one “correct” amount of time for children to socialize and participate in various activities.
- Be aware of your own insecurities and needs that you may be projecting onto your child.
- Allow different family members to have different energy profiles without putting the same pressure on everyone to do all the activities. “There’s nothing ‘bad’ about an introverted child who doesn’t communicate in a way more appropriate for their extroverted siblings or parents,” Homayoun said.
- Connect with other parents and families who are trying to resist the toxic culture of perfectionism and doing more.
- Read The Orchid and Dandelion by Thomas Boyce to learn more about your child’s unique energy profile.