Helping Your Teen Get Through Overload in High School

A teenager’s transition through adolescence to college and career is filled with the need for achievement and great uncertainty. That’s why academic advisor and career development expert Ana Homayoun says structure and connection are the most important things parents can give teens struggling with uncertainty.

“Give them the ongoing time, structure, and support they need to develop the system, and make sure they feel connected to people, places, and spaces in a way that matters to them,” says Homayoun.

Her new book , Erasing the Finish Line: A New Plan for Post-Grade and College Success , explores how to help students succeed in school and in life by shifting the focus from the need for top grades and the perfect mix of extracurricular activities to growth, self-actualization, and engagement.

“By teaching students how to rethink or let go of debilitating experiences and deal with everyday frustrations in effective and meaningful ways, we enable them to create their own plans for success and fulfillment,” writes Homayoun.

She says insecurity takes a toll on teens’ executive functions and their ability to plan, prioritize, regulate emotions, stay organized, and start or complete tasks. High school is a rotten time for making executive functions even harder.

According to her, many things contribute to the uncertainty in a teenager’s life, including:

• Violations related to the COVID pandemic, such as school and daily routine changes.
• Family situations such as health problems.
• Changing groups of friends and social situations.
• School transitions.
• Doubt about their identity.
• Climate related issues.
• College navigation.
• Fast changing technology.

In Erasing the Finish Line, Homayoun offers the following tips to help children deal with uncertainty.

Take stock of what you can control

If your teen is overwhelmed by all the moving parts of life right now, try shifting his attention to something he can really control.

Start by asking, “Are you doing your best with what you have right now?” Hopefully recognizing that they’re doing a good job with the resources available will reduce stress about the rest.

In addition, children may show more self-compassion when they are reminded that forces beyond their control do affect how well they can perform tasks. Give them the opportunity to develop autonomy in daily activities and habits to emphasize what is under their control.

Handling and eliminating fears and stressors

The general “busyness” of high school can distract kids from dealing with their feelings. They can handle overload by handling their worries. Help the children identify and decide what is bothering them by asking the following questions:

• What are you afraid of or what causes you stress?
• What stories do you make up for yourself about this anxiety? What “what if” scenarios run through your head?
• Is it real to be afraid? How likely is this to actually happen?
• What is the main reason for this fear or stress?
• What can you control?
• Who can you turn to for support? What other resources can help?

Homayoun writes that fear protects oneself, and fearlessness is not the goal.

Ask for help early and often

Raising a child of any age means helping him find the balance between needing help with every little task and feeling confident that he can try things on his own. Homayoun notes that younger children are more cooperative before they reach adolescence, when there is more emphasis on competition. Remind teens that they can always ask for help.

“Community building, not rigid individualism, should be our new goal,” she writes.

Help teens recognize their own strengths and know when it’s a good opportunity to benefit from someone else’s experience.

“When we admit we don’t know everything, we are more willing to learn new things, try new approaches, start over, and are open to feedback and ideas that can streamline a process that has made us feel stuck.” — Homayoun. writes.

Install, create or redefine procedures

Who can even keep up with the activities of a teenager? Between school, extracurricular activities, and social events, teens’ schedules are constantly changing depending on the time of year. Help them feel confident during their high school transitions by creating a daily routine. Remind them that the daily routine should be flexible to accommodate the new schedule. If they feel overwhelmed, changing their daily routine can help them feel better.

Become a generalist, not a specialist

Adolescents can often become obsessed with “passion” and focus all their efforts on perfecting one skill or subject. Instead, Homayoun suggests encouraging children to try out activities and expand their exposure to different interests.

Homayoun offers these final tips to help kids deal with the stress of uncertainty:

• Help them create a clear and streamlined process for organizing, scheduling, and tracking their workflow using binders, digital files, folders, planners, or calendars. They can use their system to study, study, go to college, and find a job.
• Encourage them to establish regular morning and evening routines with time to relax and recharge.
• Promote good sleep and hydration habits.
• Help teens find a few trusted adults they can turn to for help.