How to Go From a Jellyfish Parent to a Dolphin Parent (and Why You Should Do It)
A zoo or aquarium should be a place where children can learn more about the natural world. But over the past few years, the creatures that live in these reserves have inspired the names of several parenting styles that are dominated by tigers, jellyfish and dolphins.
Experts often refer to raising a tiger as an authoritarian method. This can go beyond the self-motivation and internal control of the child. But jellyfish rearing , known for its spineless and condescending style, is once again dominating the conversation, and most experts frown on the method.
Why You Should Be a Dolphin Parent
According to Dr. Shimi Kang, the author who coined the term in her book The Independent Child: How to Raise Happy, Healthy Kids Who Know What They Want and Get It (Without Warning) , explained in Psychology Today that jellyfish are parents who want avoid over-stimulating their children, as a tiger parent has “few rules or expectations” for their children. Parents offer little structuring or confrontation and this can lead to a lack of impulsive control.
But there is an animal parenting style that is the sweet spot between tiger and jellyfish: the dolphin. Like the body of a mighty bottlenose sea creature, dolphin parents are tough yet flexible, giving their children rules while also allowing them to be social and creative.
But how does a parent jellyfish turn into a dolphin? Here are ways parents of all stripes can offer structure to their children without dominating their kingdom.
Teach your kids to make good decisions (and lead by example)
Decisions are not easy to make at any age, so the sooner children learn to seriously consider their choices, the better. The Child Mind Institute recommends giving young children two choices when making decisions, such as choosing a restaurant. Weigh out loud the pros and cons of each choice. As they approach their teenage years, if it doesn’t put them in danger, trust their decisions and offer guidance when necessary or required. Mistakes can be your child’s best teacher.
One of the goals of raising dolphins is to “help children develop inner control and self-motivation.” The best way to do this without being overbearing is to show kids how you model behavior that will show them the benefits of being curious and being polite. This may mean showing them what’s important to you and taking care of yourself, including exercise and rest.
Work together to create rules (and consequences)
Having a clear set of rules can help keep your kids structured. Remember: dolphins are tough but flexible, which means the rules will change as they get older and more responsible. According to the Australian parenting website Parenting , getting your kids involved in making your family’s rules (and determining the consequences of breaking them) even at an early age means they’re more likely to follow them. It also allows them to take more responsibility for their behavior as they grow older.
Help your kids set long-term goals
To help children structure and encourage their creativity, you can help them set an achievable goal. According to VeryWell Family, it helps if it meets the following criteria:
- This is specific, for example, learning to play the piano.
- He has a deadline.
- It is sincere (i.e. they, not you, want to achieve it).
Once a goal is set, it will be helpful if your child writes it down with the steps needed to achieve it. This will help them tune in to motivation and understand why their goal is important to them.
Give yourself some grace
Parenting is stressful, and we are often harder on ourselves than our kids are on us. As parenting expert Sarah Oakwell- Smith said , parents have to do some work to grow into a dolphin:
“All education begins with us. By that I mean focusing on our own demons, coming to terms with our own upbringing, and working to understand our triggers,” she says. “If we don’t focus on being more relaxed parents, then it doesn’t matter what methods we try to use.”