You Have to Turn Video Dates Into Speed Dates.

Video dates started as a necessity during the pandemic but quickly became the norm. Most dating apps now include audio messages, video messages, or even video calls on their platforms. Not only does it make sense, it also saves a lot of time,” says Zachary Zane , author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto and sex expert Momentum Intimacy .

Benefits of virtual speed dating

“First, you need to see if the person really looks like the one in their photos, because too often people don’t look like them,” he tells Lifehacker. “Secondly, the personality of people who send text messages/messages can be very different from their real life personality. When you do a video date, you get a glimpse of how they act in real life.”

“You don’t have to dress up, spend 30 minutes driving to work, and spend tons of money on video dates,” he adds. “It’s worth it if you like someone, but if you’re not sure, it takes a lot of time and energy.”

And perhaps the main reason is to see if there is chemistry. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on a date and within two minutes I knew I wasn’t interested,” Zane says. “You don’t waste time in video chat.”

Which brings us to speed dating. For those unfamiliar, speed dating is usually a matchmaking event that encourages single people to meet a large number of potential partners in a short period of time. Typically, prospective matches spend a few minutes on multiple prospective dates to see if you “hit” any of them and would like to get to know them better before moving on to the next “candidate”.

Since both video dating and speed dating portend effectiveness, it makes sense to combine the two. Think of it this way: you can get through your potential matches in record time from the comfort of your home—and without lengthy back and forth texting.

“You can avoid a lot of mediocre and bad first dates,” says Zane. “And you’re less likely to get tired of dating.” If you have a quick 5-minute video date and it doesn’t go well, you don’t feel like you’ve met your expectations or wasted the whole evening.”

Keep it short and sweet

Set aside an evening when you have an hour of free time and schedule meetings for quick calls – from 5 to 15 minutes, this is enough to understand whether you are clicking or not. For those you can’t reach, end the call after about five minutes; if you’re digging someone, start a full fifteen, but no more, as you’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other on a longer in-person date.

The number of dates should also be short and sweet. “Honestly, no more than four,” Zane advises. “Even if you have the energy to do more, people start to blend in with each other. You also become less aroused because you ask and answer the same questions over and over again.”

Know what you are looking for

Given the time constraints, it’s important to be clear about what you’re looking for in your matches. Ideally, you’re looking for compatibility between lifestyles and values, Zane says.

“By lifestyle, I mean if you like to go out and have fun every weekend and they prefer to stay at home and watch Netflix all weekend, you probably don’t fit,” he says. “Or, if they work evenings and you work during the day, it’s unlikely that the two of you will suit each other just because you can’t see each other often.”

When it comes to values, you want to know what matters to them. “How important are family and friendships to them? Do they put their careers first? Do they want to have children? Are they religious? Do they believe in social justice? Zane says. “You want to ask questions that get to the roots of their belief system.”

Questions to ask on a speed date

What things do you find funny? “I love this question because I really want someone else’s humor to go along with mine,” he explains. “I want to make sure my partner makes me laugh, I make them laugh and we both laugh at the same thing.”

What are your hobbies? “It gives someone the opportunity to tell more about who they are and what drives them,” says Zane.

Are you a lark or an owl? “It helps give you a sense of lifestyle compatibility,” he explains.

What were you like as a kid? “This question gives your partner an opportunity to talk about themselves and become more vulnerable,” he says.