Just Because You Don’t Use a Bidet Doesn’t Mean Your Ass Is Covered in Poop.

Look, I’m not against a bidet. I have one at home and I appreciate it. But there are some nonsensical bidet-related myths that need to be dispelled. Chief among them: the idea that if you don’t use a bidet, you walk around with a poop-filled ass.

It’s a myth that bidet users often repeat—either all their lives or new converts who don’t shut up about it—and it doesn’t make any sense. Discussions about the pros and cons of various butt cleaning methods often read like this Reddit thread , in which people who don’t know how a bidet works discuss people who don’t know how toilet paper works. Guys, people all over the world clean their asses with a lot of different methods that work great .

Poop sticking to the butt is not normal

I shouldn’t have to explain it, but here we are. Americans (or people who don’t use bidets in general) don’t walk around with dirty asses or “berries, skid marks and all!” according to the Tushy bidet seller. Proof? If you were, you would know .

If you’ve ever wiped yourself halfway, you know that your skin doesn’t like contact with feces. This shit itches and burns. Anyone who has cared for a baby in diapers also knows that if feces are left on the skin for hours, it leads to diaper rash . The rash clears up within a few days after being kept clean and dry.

So, yes, it is possible to have poop on your ass. But you would know it if you did. It would be a problem and you would seek to solve it. If your ass feels good, I promise you won’t actually be walking around with your pants full of poop, no matter what Big Bidet wants you to believe.

Although the bidet is cool

Now that we’ve established that you don’t need a bidet, can we talk about why you might need one? Even if you enjoy using toilet paper, you’ll probably find that a bidet cleans you thoroughly without using large amounts (just a few squares to get yourself dry), and it can be gentler on your skin than repeated wiping. .

If you have problems with hemorrhoids, or if your poop is so dirty (for whatever reason) that you find it difficult to clean off with toilet paper, washing with cool or lukewarm water may be more gentle on your skin. Washing with water may also be more accessible to people with disabilities or reduced mobility.

Depending on where you are in the world, typical ways to elevate your bottoms might include using a cup of water, a spray bottle , a stand-alone bidet mounted next to the toilet, or a washbasin attached to the toilet seat. The famous Japanese electronic toilets include the functions of washing (and drying) buttocks.

In my house we have a regular toilet seat type bidet like this . It cost about 25 dollars. It connects to the same water line as the toilet itself, so no additional plumbing work was required to install it. And while it doesn’t heat the water (only the more expensive models do), the cold water feels quite comfortable.

So yes, I’m a bidet fanatic. I also don’t mind using toilet paper when I travel. It’s not as pleasant as pooping at home, but I don’t walk around with a dirty ass. You are not like that either.