How to Start Having Sex With Someone
Sexting is a great tool to use when it comes to spice up your relationship. Whether you’ve been together for a while or just getting to know someone, sexting can be the perfect foreplay. But when is the right time to start sexting, and should you ask the other person first if it’s okay to have sex? What should not be done with sex when you are dating someone?
“Sexting is just sending sexual texts: words, images, videos, and/or voice memos,” says Dr. Jess O’Reilly , relationship expert and Lovehoney sexologist. “Some of the benefits of sexting include being able to talk about what you want in bed or reflect on past experiences and enjoy hot memories. Or it can create anticipation and be used as a vehicle for flirting and playfulness, or as a form of dirty talk.”
For those dating someone new, or those looking for clues, O’Reilly shares his top tips on how and when to have sex.
When to start sexting?
If you’re nervous about when to send your first flirtatious message, don’t worry. According to O’Reilly, now is not the time to start sexting. “Some people do it before a face-to-face meeting, while others start after sex. It’s up to you to decide what’s right for you,” she says.
However, before you click Submit, you always need to ask for consent first. “Digital expressions and interactions are no different than face-to-face interactions, so it’s important to make sure both/all parties are on board,” she emphasizes. While this may not apply to couples in a long-term relationship if you’ve never had sex before, it’s always a good idea to let your partner know that you’d like to start so they’re on the same page.
If you’re dating someone new, O’Reilly recommends remembering what you’re sharing in text. “You don’t know who else might have access to their phone, and there’s always the possibility that they’ll share your messages with others,” she says. “For this reason, some people choose not to show their face in photos when sending sex.”
What to do about sex when you first meet someone
Below, O’Reilly shares some hot opening phrases you can use to start a sexy conversation:
“Feeling playful. Would you like to see a photo?”
“I am all dressed and barely dressed. Do you want to take a look?
“I liked the way you ______ last night. I can’t stop thinking about it. And you?”
“Looking forward to the evening. Is there anything I should know about what you do?
“I miss you. Send me a sexy photo?”
When submitting photos, you can start with something blurry and hard to read (like photos in the dark) to keep them guessing, according to O’Reilly. Often times, people make the mistake of sending too much too early – like a close-up of the genitals – so it’s important to remember that “less is more” when it comes to early seduction. She recommends choosing a different sexy body part and filming it from different angles and distances to really tease them.
What to write for the first time if you are in a relationship
While you can also use any of the lines above with a partner, O’Reilly suggests considering talking about the past, present, and future when it comes to your sex life, including:
“Remember when we…”
Guess what I’m thinking about right now?
“I can’t wait to meet you so we can…”
If you want to include your face in the sext, O’Reilly recommends using a selfie stick to capture your best angles when it comes to submitting nudes. You might even want to record a video of yourself moving around in your underwear in a seductive way.
She also offers to send voice memos of your dirty talk to really start the fire. “Music lovers will find the sound of your voice exciting,” she says. So tell your partner what you want him to do to you tonight, or you can even record yourself as you masturbate.
Basically, everything goes when you connect to your creative and sexual self.
What can’t be sexted
While emoji are cute, O’Reilly says they’re not sexy and don’t really do much to turn your partner on. She recommends saving emojis for your text messages, not sex messages, and letting your own words and photos convey what you want. So skip the eggplant and donut emoji and use what you really feel.
But most importantly, when it comes to any “no” in sexting, O’Reilly says, don’t assume you have an unconditional consent, whether you’ve just started dating or are in a long-term relationship. “Be sure to check in and find out what your partner is up to before having sex,” she says. Just because they liked something yesterday doesn’t mean they want the same thing today, so keep in touch to cultivate ongoing agreement.”
What if you’re really stuck on that sext
If you really don’t know what to send in your first sixth, O’Reilly recommends thinking about how you want the recipient to feel , as well as thinking about how the message makes you feel.
“Do you want them to feel welcome? Sexually? Powerful? Excited? Naughty? I loved? Start with the desired emotional outcome, and the content will follow.”