Pros and Cons of Having a Working Spouse
Working in a corporate or office environment can sometimes be stressful, so it makes sense to gravitate toward a colleague who helps relieve stress and brighten our days a little. Some of these bonds are just strong friendships, while others can develop into what is known as a “work spouse.”
“A work spouse is someone you work closely with every day, and they become so close to you that they become just like a spouse,” says Dr. Laurie Beth Bisby , clinical psychologist and sex/intimacy coach. “These are the ones you can share secrets with, from frivolous gossip to hopes and fears.”
Do you know the person who brings your favorite cup of coffee every morning or is the first person you want to talk to about a project or send a joke? This is your work spouse.
Is it good to have a working spouse?
While the term “work spouse” may sound obscene or sexy, for the most part, a work spouse is simply an ally who adds value to your work day.
“[A work spouse is someone who supports] your back… and who is on your side,” Bisbee explains. “You protect each other – celebrate victories, sympathize with defeats, always by your side. They also provide a safe board when problems arise at work, with friends, and sometimes even at home. The tension is lower, so the performance is increased. Resonators mean we find more creative solutions.”
A working spouse also makes the workplace more fun, which can help reduce stress and tension. “When people enjoy the work environment, they are more productive,” says Bisby.
What are the disadvantages of being a spouse?
According to Bisbee, the main downside of working with a spouse is that others at work may be jealous of the relationship. “If others are jealous of your relationship, it can lead to problems at work with superiors and colleagues,” she explains. “People can be accused of grouping and that can make the work environment difficult.”
Also, there are bound to be some gray areas when interacting with someone this close in a professional setting, such as socializing outside of work or any kind of physical intimacy. If you are single, you may be tempted to enter into a romantic relationship that will have repercussions both inside and outside the office, especially if one person is in a higher position or the romantic relationship is against company policy.
If you’re in a relationship outside of work, Bisbee says having a work spouse can feel “easier,” which can make you or your work spouse feel like the grass is greener. “With a work spouse, there is less conflict and easier, so he [or you] can trust that a romantic relationship with him will be the same,” she says. “It’s an illusion based on different expectations of a working spouse relationship and a real romantic relationship.”
Plus, if you’re in a relationship with someone else, Bisbee says, if you have a working spouse, there’s a risk your partner will get jealous over the amount of time you spend together and what you share with a friend. with a friend.
What to do with a work spouse if you are in a relationship
Whether you’re single or not, Bisbee recommends setting boundaries with your work spouse. If you are in a serious relationship, “you must remember your agreements with your partner. Do they agree that you share intimate information about your relationship? How much time do they agree that you spend outside of work with your work spouse? What are your agreements regarding hugs and physical affection?”
Secondly, Bisbee advises to beware of emotional deception. “Emotional cheating is when you break an agreement with your partner that you emotionally share with other people outside of the relationship how close you are with people outside of the relationship,” she explains. “Emotional cheating actually comes from the idea that a deep emotional relationship with someone of the gender you are normally attracted to is reserved for a romantic partner. It comes from monogamy as a basis. Sometimes emotional cheating takes the form of intense sexual flirting and/or romantic conversation with someone other than your partner while you are in a monogamous relationship. Often this is a harbinger of physical betrayal.
According to Bisby, having a working spouse is only emotional cheating when a) it violates an agreement between you and your partner about what you can share or how close you can be with someone other than them, b) the jokes get intense sexy and/or romantic with declarations of love. “Otherwise, a working spouse is an emotional support,” she says. “The difference is that emotional support comes in a relationship where boundaries are clear and respected.”
Ultimately, be clear about what you will share—and not share—with your work spouse and how often you will interact with him in person and in your spare time. Additionally, Bisbee suggests cutting back on after-work drinking because “drinking lowers inhibitions, so if there’s any physical attraction, it can come to the surface and it can hurt relationships.”
In fact, Busy says that emotionally close relationships with friends, like a work spouse, are extremely rewarding. “It gives us extra support and teaches us how to deepen our relationships with our partners. Work spouses can make life at work more fun, easier, and more productive. They can also become good friends to partners by acting as a stress reflector so the partner brings home less of their work. Thus, the partner returns home in a better mood and is more ready for the transition to family life.”