Here Are the Signs You’re in a ‘Situation’, Not a Relationship
Situations are the new “relationships” in today’s dating world. It’s a nice, annoying gray area between casual dating and relationships. The situation is more than sex, but less serious than commitment, and while it may work for some people, it can also be confusing pretty quickly, especially when it comes to feelings.
“In the situation, communication, expectations, and structures are unclear—you haven’t discussed monogamy or commitment yet (or it’s left vague), but also clarified that you’re only friends with benefits or an occasional partner. says sex and relationship expert Lorrie Bradbury, founder of Slutty Girl Problems . “When the terms of your relationship are unclear, but emotions and sex are involved, you are usually in some sort of situation.”
If this sounds familiar, it’s because situational situations are more prevalent than ever. “[Situations] are useful because they are less stressful and do not require as much time. Let’s face it, serious romantic relationships take a lot of work,” says Dr. Lee Phillips , a psychotherapist and certified sex and couples specialist. “These relationships are common these days because there are people who don’t want to put the time and effort into a serious relationship. They would prefer something colder and sexier because they have other important commitments.”
He also adds that people who may have suffered in serious relationships in the past are more likely to want relationships that are more relaxed and “go with the flow.” But situational communication can also work for those looking for a more casual connection without the pressure of any label or obligation.
How to understand that you are in a situation
According to Bradbury, these are the most common signs of situationality:
- You didn’t define your relationship, didn’t talk about commitment, or didn’t lay out the structure of boundaries and expectations.
- You are confused about the relationship, wondering if they are dating other people, if they like you more than a love affair, or if they have the intention of getting more serious.
- You may feel like the other person is lying to you, saying words that seem empty or consistent with their actions, or making promises that they don’t keep.
- The other person may not make meaningful efforts to include you in their life, such as introducing you to their friends or family or keeping you up to date on important life events.
- The other person may not show an active interest in your life, be oblivious to your emotions, or move from superficial questions to a deeper connection.
- There wasn’t much discussion about the future, shared dreams and goals, life values, or what you want in a relationship.
Phillips adds about situational relationships: “You will keep hanging out after the first date, and you keep dating, but nothing develops. You don’t invest in making plans, so they are more spontaneous. You may just feel confused about the relationship and where it’s going.”
What to do if you are in a situation
Most situations start innocently enough. After all, most dates are initially casual as both parties get to know each other. You may even like your situation, but little changes over time, Phillips says. It’s important to ask yourself if that’s really what you want, especially if you start to have feelings for the other person and they don’t want the same. .
Other red flags, according to Phillips? If you experience daily anxiety about the current situation, and it starts to cause you more stress than joy, or if the other person does not appear to you in the way that you may appear to him or want your partner to show you ( i.e. offer of support).
Bradbury agrees. “If the relationship style doesn’t suit you and you can’t come up with mutual expectations that support both of you, then don’t continue a dynamic that makes you uncomfortable, unhappy, or leaves you feeling unclear,” she says. . “Relationships should illuminate us with excitement and support, whether deep or casual. If you are not inspired by a casual connection, is it worth it to continue?
Bradbury says it’s important to think about what you want from a relationship and what you need to feel comfortable, respected, cared for and supported before continuing with your situation or considering continuing it, Bradbury says. “Not every relationship style is right for everyone – and that’s fine as long as you don’t want something casual. It makes perfect sense that you don’t want a relationship that emotionally confuses you or hurts you.”
Exploring questions like these can help you determine what you want from your next relationship:
- What do you want in a relationship?
- What does your ideal relationship look like?
- What are your boundaries and expectations?
- How often do you want to check-in and date?
- Do you want an exclusive?
- How do you want to be treated?
“The clearer you are about your own expectations in a relationship, the clearer you can communicate them to your partner and make sure you get what you want,” explains Bradbury. “If the situation doesn’t suit your needs, you don’t have to fight to be heard or make it change—you can compassionately cut ties and move on, acknowledging and respecting that the relationship isn’t right for you.”