How to Have a Healthy Relationship If You’re an Empath
Maintaining healthy relationships with appropriate boundaries can be challenging for everyone, but what if you’re especially sensitive? How do you deal with conflicts if you are the type of person who can feel the feelings and experiences of others? If that sounds like you, chances are you’re an empath, and while empathy is an important trait in a relationship, being an empath can feel like both a blessing and a curse.
“An empath is a person who is well attuned to the feelings and emotions of the people around them,” says Saba Haruni Lurie , a licensed family and family therapist. “What makes an empath different from someone who simply expresses sympathy is that instead of just understanding how the other person is feeling, the empath feels what the other person is feeling on a deep emotional level. Empaths absorb what others feel, including joy, sadness, anger, and everything in between.”
So how does empathy affect their intimate relationships, and how can they have healthy relationships, even if they feel overwhelming at times? Lurie gives some advice below.
What Empaths Have in Common and How It Affects Their Relationships
According to Lurie, these are the common traits of empaths:
- “Empaths feel what others feel. They can access the internal states of others.” Basically, if your partner is sad, you are sad. If your partner has had a bad day at work, you will immediately feel his discomfort. Even if you had a great day, your feelings may change depending on how your partner is feeling.
- “Empaths are often susceptible to stimuli, including emotional ones. This means that being in large crowds or in busy places can be tiring as they absorb a lot and can replenish their capacity quickly.” Crowds of people, movies, concerts, even watching the news can become too much for an empath to handle, whether they’re with their partner or not.
- “It’s easy for empaths to put themselves in the shoes of others, and it’s hard for them not to care about others when you can feel their struggle or suffering,” which means it’s hard for you not to feel responsible for your partner’s feelings. You will want to take care to help alleviate their suffering, even to your own detriment.
- “Empaths need time to think and recharge, especially after they’ve spent time with others.” The only way for you to return to yourself and return to a state of calmness is to retreat, even if you can live with your partner, which can create problems if you do not talk about this need.
Given that an empath feels what others feel, Lurie says it can be hard to prioritize their own needs and desires when they’re so attuned to their partner. “This may mean that they find it difficult to set boundaries. Empaths may also be more susceptible to some form of coercive control and emotional manipulation.” In some extreme cases, their immense empathy and need to care for others means that empaths are likely to bond with a narcissist, as this fits their need for constant attention and affection. In most cases, they will leave little time to take care of their own needs and risk giving up on themselves in favor of maintaining the relationship.
What an Empath Must Have to Thrive in a Healthy Relationship
For an empath to thrive in healthy relationships, they essentially need to first learn how to put on their own lifeline. Instead of wasting all their time and energy on their partner and relationship, they need to learn and apply self-preservation tactics so they don’t become emotionally drained and can tune their feelings and attention to themselves. According to Lurie, they can do this by integrating the following:
Have open communication. “Because the empath pays so much attention to their partner’s mood changes and emotions, it’s often the case that they receive little space or attention for their own needs,” Lurie says. “Open communication with your partner about how they are feeling, and even how they are affected by their partner’s emotions, can help ensure they are not consumed by their partner’s needs.”
Set definite and clear boundaries. “An empath perceives the emotions of others without even trying, so it’s important that they set clear boundaries in a romantic relationship,” explains Lurie. “This will help ensure that they are less likely to be manipulated or taken advantage of, and that their emotional well-being is also a priority.”
Keep time alone . “Empaths need time to recharge and think about their emotions, needs, and desires,” says Lurie. “Without time alone, it can be difficult for empaths to honestly evaluate their relationships and understand what works for them and what doesn’t.”
By learning to regulate your emotions and maintain clear boundaries, you are sure to set yourself up to maintain a long-term relationship that will benefit both you and your partner.