You Are Most Likely to Break up in January
Confetti and empty champagne bottles aren’t the only things going to the trash in the New Year, and neither are your relationships. January is informally known as National Separation Month, and the first Monday of the month is known as “Divorce Day”. So what’s with all the grief? Blame it on new starts and decisions as we enter the new year.
“The dawn of the New Year is usually a time of reflection and self-improvement. People often take this opportunity to evaluate their relationship to decide if their needs are being met,” Steven Quaderer, CEO of ThotExperiment , a digital ecosystem of advanced sexual exploration platforms, tells Lifehacker. Are they emotionally satisfied? Sexually? Do we have a future together? If not, it’s best to take a complete break and start all over again in the new year.”
Throw in the holiday stress, as well as any temptations at a Christmas work party or a trip home to see old friends, and it’s no wonder we might think the grass is greener on the other side. But how do you know that your relationship is indeed heading towards a breakup or some kind of reflex reaction provoked by the unreasonable promise of a brilliant new year?
How to Know You’re Breaking Up in the New Year for the Right Reasons
To determine if you want to break up on a holiday whim, Quaderer suggests taking a step back and assessing the situation. “Ask yourself if you’ve been feeling unhappy in a relationship for some time or if [you were heavily affected by the emotions of the holiday].”
It’s also important, he says, to think about why you want to break up. “Are there any issues that you have struggled with that you feel cannot be resolved? Are there any changes you would like to make that you think your partner is unwilling to make?
However, just because you might want to break up before the New Year doesn’t mean your reasons aren’t valid. According to Quaderer, the “usual suspects” when it comes to relationship breakups involve unresolved conflict, lack of trust, unfulfilled expectations, fundamental incompatibilities, and unclear goals with your partner. If you have continued to experience these issues with your partner with minor changes after reporting your concerns, then these are clear reasons to end the relationship.
Finally, he recommends thinking about how you will feel after the breakup. “Will you feel relieved or regret? Will you feel like you made the right decision, or will you feel like you made a mistake? Taking the time to assess the situation and think about how you will feel afterward will help you make the right decision.”
Why the holidays can actually be a good time to think about your relationship
While it’s definitely easy to get overwhelmed by emotions and stress during the holidays, causing you to overreact, Quaderer says the holidays can actually be a good time to reflect on your relationship.
“The point is, there is no ‘bad time’ to think about your relationship,” he says. “Holidays can be a great opportunity to take a look at the relationships in your life and see if they serve you. Whether it’s romantic relationships, friendships, or family ties, it’s important to evaluate how things are going and make sure your relationship is healthy and fulfilling. Are you getting what you need from them? Are there any changes you would like to make?”
On the other hand, Quaderer says now is a good time to think about ways you can show your appreciation for the people in your life. “Whether it’s a gift, a kind gesture, or just a nice time together, it’s important to show your loved ones how much you care.”
So instead of focusing on what’s missing in your relationship right now, think about what’s going right and see how you can improve your relationship by changing your point of view.
How to break up with a guy on New Year’s Eve
If you’ve decided to break up with your partner in the new year, Quaderer advises, it’s best to be honest and direct, just like any other time of the year. “It’s important to show respect and make sure your partner knows you care about them, even if you’ve come to the conclusion that you no longer want to be in a relationship with them,” he says.
He recommends starting by expressing your feelings and why you think it’s best to end the relationship. Be sure to give your partner the opportunity to ask questions and express their feelings. “It’s also important to be prepared for unexpected twists and turns in the conversation, so be prepared to listen and understand,” he says. “Be sure to be kind and compassionate throughout the conversation. Breaking up is never easy, but with a little care and tact, it can be done in a way that shows respect and consideration and gives you both the opportunity to find new pastures in the new year.”