What to Do If You Don’t Like Your Child’s Teacher
It’s that time of year again: parent-teacher season. For 15 minutes, parents sit face to face with the person responsible for their child’s education. For most, this is a time when parents and guardians need to hear the truth about what really happens during school hours and work together to help their children learn the skills they will need to succeed in the future. For others, this can be a frustrating experience.
“When we turn our children over to someone else to care for them, it can be challenging,” says clinical psychologist Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, author of Self- Confidence: Help Your Child Make Friends, Build Resilience, and Grow. True self esteem . “Of course we want teachers to do things exactly the way we want them to, but that probably won’t happen.”
So what do you do if you don’t like the way your child is being taught?
Don’t believe gossip about a “bad” teacher
Every school has one teacher that no student wants. Scary stories are passed down from class to class about how mean, strict, or unfair they are. It makes for an engaging conversation during recess or at the kitchen table, but Kennedy-Moore advises giving your child’s teacher the benefit of the doubt and not letting these tall tales cloud your judgment.
“Be careful taking in the whole fabric of what your child says,” she says. “If you hear something about something disturbing, you can email the teacher.”
It can also be difficult for parents to hear from their child’s teacher how their children might behave differently at school than at home. But keep in mind that neither side of the story is the absolute truth, it’s just a different point of view.
“[The teacher] knows how your child behaves when you’re not around, so take it seriously,” says Kennedy-Moore. “Be open to sharing what works and what doesn’t.”
Show empathy for your child’s teacher
If you don’t agree with your child’s teacher, it’s tempting to denigrate him in front of your child. Letting off steam will make you feel better for a short time, but you can actually make things worse.
“If you say something critical about a teacher, you create a problem,” says Kennedy-Moore. “They’ll say, ‘I don’t need to listen to them.’ It will not benefit your child in terms of how their teacher reacts, how other children react, and how they learn to live in the world.
If your child complains about his teacher, help him empathize with the teacher and think about why his teacher can do what he does.
Learn the teacher’s pet calluses
Getting along with people is a fundamental skill that we work on throughout our lives, so it’s good for our children to learn how to interact successfully with other people, including their teacher. To do this, they will have to change their behavior. Kennedy-Moore says it can be helpful to discuss the idea of pet calluses with your child so your child can learn what their teacher doesn’t like and avoid these behaviors during class.
Be open to what your child’s teacher says
It can be frustrating to hear a teacher talk about behavior that seems out of character for your child. Try to be open to what the teacher observes. Don’t see this as the final verdict on your child and your upbringing.
“A teacher is an expert on education and children in general,” says Kennedy-Moore. “Every year they see 20 or more kids that age, so they really know better than anyone about child development. But you are an expert on your child and family. Only you have seen how your child has developed over the years and in different conditions. If you can talk about what worked at home, that might be helpful.”
Treat your child’s teacher as a resource and share what you observe in their behavior at home. The teacher will know if it matches what he sees and will be able to make appropriate adjustments in the classroom. For example, if homework is a nightmare, they may change expectations or find ways to make it more interesting.
When should you speak to the director?
We have all experienced that moment when someone freely gives unsolicited advice about how you should raise your child. While we have an idea of how we want our child’s teacher to do their job, they are the ones in the trenches with the knowledge and experience in teaching children.
Kennedy-Moore says if there’s a problem, respect your child’s teacher’s process and do your best not to go against it. Try to work with them first. Send them an email or call. Unless there is a persistent problem or something outrageous happening in the class that doesn’t happen very often, think twice before asking for administrative help.