What to Do If You Realize You Are “nurturing” Your Partner
Every relationship is different, including when it comes to power dynamics. Even when a couple strives for an equal partnership – and in some cases sincerely believe they have one – the reality is that they may fall into certain unhealthy behaviors.
For example, when one partner becomes the “pupil” of another . At first, this parent-child dynamic may seem to work: the parent in a relationship may like to have purpose and feel needed, while the child may appreciate the attention and not take responsibility. lead by things.
But it is not surprising that such a scheme is not ideal in the long run. Here’s what to do if you find yourself “nurturing” your partner.
How to Change the Parent-Child Dynamic in a Relationship
There are many reasons why you might find yourself in the role of “parent” in a romantic relationship, beyond the basic assumption that your partner is immature or has not yet “learned” to be an adult.
Maybe this is what your parents’ marriage looked like, or maybe you grew up being told that once you meet a potential husband or wife, you’ll have to “coach” them. Or perhaps you’ve dealt with anxiety, trauma, and/or insecurity throughout your life and are unconsciously trying to make your partner the way you want them to feel secure and stable.
Whatever the reason, once you find this happening in your relationship, it might be time to tackle it. Here are some ways to get started:
Find out what you want
If you haven’t thought about it seriously since your relationship started, take the time to figure out if you want to continue this relationship or if it’s better to go your separate ways. Writing for Psychology Today, therapist Yvonne Castañeda suggests asking yourself two simple questions about your partner: “Do I really love him?” and “What exactly do I love?”
This can help you realize that you and your partner have a solid set of shared values and beliefs, and working on your relationship is worth it. Or you may come to the opposite conclusion. Either way, you’ll have a better idea of what you want.
Step back
As hard as it is, it’s time to take a step back and give your partner more opportunities to contribute and take the lead in the relationship. Ask them to tell you how they would do something, not just do it themselves. Make decisions together and share responsibility for results, including seemingly insignificant things like household chores.
Although this may cause you some anxiety at first, there is hope that your partner will cope, and this will be a step towards building confidence in him.
Turn your attention to yourself
If you decide to continue the relationship, it might be time to work on yourself a bit, rather than focus solely on improving or nurturing your partner. For example, you can talk to a therapist to help you identify your typical relationship patterns and how you can challenge the beliefs that cause these behaviors.
Also, instead of fixing what your partner is doing, you can try to be more open about your needs. According to Keir Brady, a licensed marriage and family therapist , this can prevent resentment from building up and deepen your connection with your partner.