How to Break the Vicious Cycle of Fights With Your Partner Using Text Messages
Communication is the key to a strong relationship, but does it matter how it happens? While sharing your thoughts and emotions with a partner via text message may be better than not expressing them at all, many relationship experts and therapists argue that serious arguments are best left for face-to-face discussion.
But what if you and your partner have gotten to the point where you only communicate through text messages? If this is a habit you would like to curb, here are some ways to break this vicious circle.
Is fighting through messages always bad for a relationship?
Indeed, it depends. All relationships are different, as are the circumstances that caused the quarrel. On the one hand, texting can have its advantages, such as giving each person a chance to cool off and collect their thoughts before responding.
But generally speaking, a lot can be lost in translation when passed through text—facial expression and tone, for example—and that’s before we get into the complexities of punctuation .
How to stop quarreling with a partner via SMS
If you and your partner are arguing exclusively through text messages and want to change that, here are some strategies to help break this cycle:
Send text that sets the border
The next time you notice that a text conversation is getting aggressive, respond to your partner (by text) by saying that you’d rather discuss it face to face.
Don’t know how to do it? Here is an example of a text that relationship expert and matchmaker Jasbina Ahluwalia shared with Elite Daily :
Thanks for your text. I think I can better understand your point of view and share mine if I speak personally. When can you do it? Love you.'”
Answer a phone call
Or, once it’s obvious that you’re on the verge of a fight, stop texting and instead call your partner to let them know you’d rather continue the conversation in person (or over the phone, if that works).
Schedule regular time to socialize
Instead of texting when something is bothering you, schedule a regular conversation with your partner, even if you don’t have a specific topic to discuss. This way, you’ll develop the habit of clearing the air when something happens and avoid the anxiety of receiving (or sending) a “we need to talk” message out of the blue.