How to Support a Burned Out Teenager
A teenager (and young adult) can be incredibly stressful. A recent survey by the American Stress Institute found that 64% of people ages 15 to 29 experience high levels of stress. Meanwhile, 61% of middle school students report high levels of pressure to get good grades.
“If you look at ten-year-old teen stress surveys, we see a statistically significant increase in their stress levels,” says Sheryl Ziegler , licensed professional counselor and author of Mom Burnout: How to Get Your Life Back and Get Up. Healthier children in progress . “Compared to what it was just ten years ago, this is significantly higher.”
However, even a decade ago, teens reported higher levels of stress than their parents , with 31% reporting feeling overwhelmed by stress, and 30% reporting feeling sad as a result.
How to Recognize the Signs of Burnout in Your Teenager
Burnout is the result of chronic stress. Signs of burnout include mental and physical exhaustion, irritability, changes in sleep patterns, whether it’s too much or too little sleep, and physical symptoms such as recurring headaches or stomach pains.
“Emotional exhaustion in a teenager often looks like depression,” Ziegler said. If a teenager loses interest in their usual activities, seems unusually irritable, distracted or cynical, or is otherwise highly stressed, this may be a sign that burnout is the culprit.
As Ziegler points out, burnout is a combination of these mental, physical, and emotional symptoms. “You’re looking for it all to come together,” she said. “Burnout is a chronic stress that is not treated.”
The difference between a teen having manageable stress levels and a burned out teen is whether or not a stress break is enough to help them recharge. If going on vacation or exercising on the weekend helps them feel better, it’s a sign that they’re stressed but not burned out. If a vacation or a change of scenery doesn’t help them feel better, it’s a sign that their stress has turned into burnout.
How Parents Can Help Burnt Out Teens
If it seems like your teen really has a problem with burnout, parents can help them in a number of ways. The most important thing parents can do is “monitor the level of pressure in your child’s life,” Ziegler said. “Try to feel their subjective level of pressure. We can’t work 10 out of 10 for a whole year. It’s a recipe for burnout.”
When it comes to the stress teens experience, it can be all too easy to dismiss their concerns as trivial or try to comfort them by telling them everything will be fine. Ziegler warns against this impulse. “Do your best not to judge it because it leaves the door open for further conversation,” she said.
As parents, we instinctively try to solve their problems for them. Instead, “discuss things with them that will make them feel more relaxed,” Ziegler said. “Teens are often very resistant to what their parents say.” Instead, working with them to find ways to relax or blow off steam can help teens find the answer that works best for them.
“Another really good balance is helping your teen understand how they can rest easy,” Ziegler said. “We all need time in silence and solitude.” When it comes to helping them find ways to relax, it often involves talking about using the phone. “Teens are secluded in their rooms where they sit on their device and it’s not relaxing,” Ziegler said. “It sounds like it’s relaxing, but it’s actually not for your brain.”
Instead, parents can help their teens find ways to relax — take a nap, meditate, or even just stare at the ceiling for ten minutes. “What it does is teach you how to calm the mind without stimulating it,” Ziegler said.