Here’s How Single Men Can Rise to the Higher Standards of Women
I don’t know how our moms talked about dating, but I know their daughters live by the simple mantra: ” Drop him .” This is great – many women refuse to lower their standards towards men who are not emotionally available, not good at communicating, or at least not able to show a minimum of respect . However, there is a downside to this trend. According to Dr. Greg Matos in Psychology Today , dating opportunities for heterosexual men are decreasing as relationship standards rise. The Twitter conversation that followed was cathartic, but lacked specific advice for single single men up for the challenge.
I am far from delving into the backward world of ” men will be like __, women will be like ___ “. However, the reality is that I am a woman courted by several men (bragging). I have highlighted some of the typical toxic mistakes men make during the courtship phase. My purpose here is not to generalize that all men are bad in relationships, but to provide a small insight into current dating culture and possibly prevent the creation of incel in the future.
Whether you’re a single man trying to woo a woman, or someone who doesn’t settle for toxic masculinity, here are some tips to improve your dating skills.
Let the other person know that you are interested
I’ll be the first to admit that “playing out” is a very real and effective strategy in some cases. At the same time, if you get along with someone on the app and both agree to meet on a first date, then why act like you’re not interested in them? Many women, myself included , have stressed the need for men to allow themselves to be open and personable in the early stages of dating.
We need to get rid of the idea that it is not good to show that you are happy to see the person with whom you agreed to go on a date. Even if you’re not sure you want a second date with this person, it’s in your best interest to show them attention and curiosity. The “hack” here is painfully obvious: ask questions on a date. This is how you both show interest in the other person and also make yourself more interesting to them. Just avoid certain questions that don’t belong on a first date .
Don’t dump trauma (or dig trauma)
Yes, you want to be open. Yes, you want to appear both interested and interesting to your date. No, you shouldn’t take it to the extreme and get too close, too fast. As more and more men realize that being in touch with their emotions is attractive, they may make the mistake of turning their dates into therapy sessions.
It’s important to ask questions to move the conversation forward, but be careful not to get personal. For example, ask someone: “ Do you have brothers and sisters? “That’s okay. Ask them: ” What is your relationship with your father and what are you doing to restore it? ” It’s too much. I know how nice it feels to be making a connection and finally moving beyond boring small talk, but save the potentially invasive questions for later.
To finish
If the first date went well, be sure to say something confident and clear, like “I’d like to see you again.” After that, do not fall into the black hole of vague plans. Clearly explain when you and your significant other will meet next. Follow up with specific questions, such as: ” I’m free on Saturday, do you want to do X activities?” “And then actually implement these plans .
On the other hand, perhaps “get it through” is a distant concept while you’re still trying to arrange a first date. Check out some of the best ways to start a conversation through a dating app (without creepy, silly or boring situations).
Be honest about your intentions
I know what it’s like when my intentions change in the middle of a date. Sometimes you feel like you’re looking for true love, but you’re not going to share it with the less-than-ideal first date sitting in front of you.
To be honest with another person about what you are looking for, you must first be honest with yourself. If you know that you are interested in something casual , let us know immediately. Otherwise, you can wait a few dates and be honest once you know how you feel about the person you’re dating.
If you are afraid to put your cards on the table, know that many women will be turned on by your assertiveness. It is attractive when someone is not afraid to be enthusiastic and outgoing.
Prioritize your mental health
Behind all the jokes about men not getting along well, there is a deeper social context. The struggle for intimacy is experienced by people of all genders, orientations and nationalities. Men, too, take offense at patriarchy when they are told not to push their emotions away.
Problems arise when you open the floodgates and expect a woman you barely know to deal with your trauma like a therapist. Fortunately, once you realize this, there are many resources available to help you start learning about your mental health and how to become the happiest and most stable self.
And if you’re feeling unattractive or unstoppable and you’re beginning to feel like the modern woman is to blame, here’s our guide for men who are struggling to find love, sex, and companionship.