How to Apologize If You’re Not Sorry
One of the most devastating lessons of early childhood is that sometimes you have to apologize, even if you don’t. You might not take a toy away from another child these days just because you thought they had it long enough, but that doesn’t make it any easier to force an apology. Here’s how to do it and why you should.
There will be times in your professional and social life when you need to apologize just to maintain a relationship. Apologies signal a willingness to maintain friendships. Angela Gorman, managing partner and president of AMW PR , said an apology is powerful, and if you’re unsure whether to offer one, ask yourself how much the relationship means to you.
“If you value a relationship, consider apologizing as a bridge to easing tensions and an opportunity to recover,” she said, adding that it’s standard practice to “keep peace and calm.”
Don’t make this an overly sentimental, wordy meeting. The more you talk about the problem, the more fake you will look and the more likely you are to show that you are not particularly sorry, which is contrary to the purpose of what you are trying to achieve. Instead, be direct.
Gorman suggested focusing on how the other person feels: “It’s not so much about apologizing as it is about empathizing that they feel hurt in some way.” She said that you should try to see the situation from their point of view. Put yourself in their place, as your parents taught you as a child, when you were a little toy thief.
“It works just as well for toddlers as it does for adults,” Gorman said. “Admit that they feel the way they are and that you’re sorry they feel that way.”
However, don’t rely entirely on the “I’m sorry I offended you” model. Take some responsibility and say you’re sorry for your actions that hurt you. Then leave it alone. Don’t get hung up on the topic. Instead, offer to return to work on a joint venture, have coffee in the future, or do something else that will help you get the relationship back on track.