The Best Way to Respond When Someone Insults You
Chances are, if you’ve been through high school, you know what it’s like to be insulted to your face. But insults are not only the business of the school bully, they are also handed out by adults. You may or may not deserve the next insult you receive. In any case, you have several answers. You can fight (but you don’t have to). You can say nothing and cook about it (but you don’t have to). Or you can remain calm, answer concisely or with humor, learn from it every possible lesson and move on. Here’s how to respond to an insult at the moment.
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First, think about what you have just been told. Is it possible that this is true? Are you acting curious, unproductive, rude, disrespectful, arrogant, or otherwise inappropriate? If there is some truth in the excavations, try to draw some constructive lesson from them, even if this information was presented abruptly. Negative feedback can be positive, but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with being spoken to in a disrespectful way. You can stand up for yourself and still retain some understanding of the meeting.
It is also possible that this may not be true. The other person may be having a bad day or armed with misinformation. Take a few deep breaths. You don’t have to answer right away .
This advice comes from Dr. Neil Burton, a psychiatrist who recently wrote a guide to dealing with insults in a “stoic way.” There are benefits to being stoic and taking a breather before you go off the rails. For a refresher, check out our guide to staying calm during an argument .
How to respond to an insult if it’s true
Amy Pritchett, student success manager at language organization Preply , shared with us some ideas on how to use words to effectively respond to an insult.
“Often it may seem that the natural instinct when someone insults you is to respond and give everything you have. However, this can often lead to a tense situation that can escalate and become even more confrontational,” she said. “Is there an aspect of this situation that you need to take responsibility for? If so, you can say something like, “I’m sorry I made you feel this way, however…” before continuing with your opinion.
Be clear and direct in your answer. Don’t stoop to reciprocal insults. Defend yourself if there is something to defend, admit any mistakes if any, and make it clear that you cannot stand being spoken to with derision. For example: “I’m sorry you don’t like my work. I will take your feedback into account for my next round of edits. However, I would appreciate it if you were more respectful as we work on these things so we can both do our best here.”
How to respond if the insult is completely unprovoked
According to Pritchett, in the event that an insult comes out of nowhere, there may be “no point in fighting fire.” Instead, just acknowledge their opinion, while remembering that it’s not a fact, and then “clearly and calmly explain what the next steps are to resolve this confrontation.” Don’t use frank or aggressive language, she warned, and respond in a calm tone.
If the insult really gets out of hand and takes you by surprise, and if you like the person who said it, or at least you have to continue to be around him, try to get to the bottom of why he lashed out at you. If it seems safe and appropriate, ask them if they have a deeper issue that they would like to address or if they are experiencing something they need to talk about.
However, if it’s coming from a stranger, you can and should just walk away. Their opinion doesn’t matter.
Try humor if you can
Finally, you can try to defuse the situation a little with humor. If someone has stooped to the point of chasing you right in the face, the situation is probably a bit tense. If it’s appropriate and safe, make a joke. Here is what Burton recommends :
Gentle humor can be an effective response to an insult, and this is for three main reasons: it undermines the offender’s hurt and his or her insult, brings any third parties to the side, and relieves the tension of the situation. A similar strategy is to run with the insult and even add to it in the genre of “Ah, if you knew me better, you would find an even bigger mistake!”