The Most Common Financial Conflicts in Relationships (and How to Avoid Them)
Many things can cause strife in a relationship, from infidelity to mismatched values, but many problems come down to a lack of trust, lack of communication, or a mixture of both. And then you have your finances. Money causes a lot of stress for many of us individually, so it makes sense that it could cause strife between two people who can share food, rent, mortgages, wedding expenses, or raising children. A new survey sheds light on the most common financial disputes, so hopefully you can avoid them in your relationship.
Not talking about money in a relationship is the main problem
Legal Templates polled 1,200 married or divorced Americans to find out how finances affect their relationships. A serious problem was soon discovered: couples themselves often entered into their unions, not understanding how finances would play.
Almost one in four of those surveyed did not discuss their salary or their savings before the wedding. Overall, 76% discussed their salary before marriage, 74% discussed savings, 58% discussed debt, 47% discussed spending habits, and only 37% discussed earning or spending in cryptocurrency. A little more than half of the discussion of debt is not good—it’s bound to come up when pooling finances, figuring out the legitimacy of who inherits what when another person dies, or getting a mortgage.
Even though it may seem awkward, you need to talk about money with a potential partner. It doesn’t have to be on the first date, but eventually you will need to share what you earn, how you spend it, and how much you owe. Legal Patterns found that married Americans were more likely than divorced or separated couples to discuss all of these financial issues before getting married.
To get started , here are our tips for strengthening financial intimacy in new relationships .
Other most common money quarrels between partners
Lack of communication is one thing, but negative interactions related to money are another. Among divorced or separated Americans surveyed, 83% cited financial problems as the reason for the breakup. Overall, 39% of those surveyed cited overspending, while 36% focused on poor budgeting, 32% on insufficient savings, 30% on mystery shopping, and 29% on missed payments or bills. Poor investing led to conflict for 26%, income differences led to conflict for 25%, 24% pointed to student loans, and 23% focused on dishonesty about debt.
A lot of it also comes down to communication. You may not be able to influence whether one partner earns significantly more or less than the other, but you can be open about your spending, actively avoid mystery shopping, and be honest about your debt. Other issues, like differences in spending philosophies, have more to do with overall compatibility, but then again, you won’t even know there’s an incompatibility here unless you talk about it.
One of the key findings here is that mystery shopping was a much bigger problem for divorced or separated couples than for married couples: 28% and 37% respectively. The types of items purchased by one partner also matter. Luxury goods caused the most conflicts, they were named by 33% of respondents. This was followed by clothing, eating out, travel, hobbies, alcohol, home decor, stock investments, and video games. Talk about your spending habits and set savings goals that you can work towards together.
Solutions to consider with your partner
There are solutions to these problems. Budgeting worked for 52% of married people surveyed, while consulting a financial professional worked for 37%. A cost-sharing proportional to individual wages was beneficial for 34%; blaming one person in a relationship worked 33%; couples therapy worked in 33%; determining the monthly expenditure of money worked by 32%; and opening a joint account worked 24%.
Sit down with a financial planner or family counselor if you and your partner are struggling to figure out which of these strategies might work for your relationship.