What to Do If There Is No Toilet Paper in a Public Toilet
Physical functions are messy, and no matter how carefully you plan, your body will betray you at some point, causing you to defecate in public places you wouldn’t want to defecate. In a desperate situation like this, we might have tunnel vision rather than realizing the horror of an empty toilet paper dispenser until it’s too late. Instead of sinking into self-hatred, develop a plan of action. Here’s what to do if there’s no toilet paper in the toilet stall.
Ask for help
If you’re alone in the restroom, the obvious first step is to check other stalls for supplies. If you are not alone, call for courtesy and love from your fellow men. If there is someone else in the bathroom, swallow your pride and politely ask for help. You may feel embarrassed, but we all have to have a bowel movement at some point, and that’s a lot better than the next few options we’re about to explore.
Use different paper
If there is no one to turn to for help and no toilet paper at all, your next step is to think about custom paper products:
- Toilet seat covers. This is your best option if they are available. They’re hygienic and washable, so it’s just oddly shaped toilet paper anyway.
- Paper towels. If you can grab a few paper towels from the sink area, you’ll have a scratchy but effective replacement. You can minimize roughness by dampening them slightly before use.
- Cardboard roll. A bare cardboard toilet paper roll might mock you out of the dispenser, but you can use it for an extremely unpleasant wiping experience. As with paper towels, you can make them a little more comfortable with some strategic wetting. (Note the word ” marginal ” in this sentence.)
Check your pockets
Let’s say you wander into some Mad Max bathroom where there are no paper products at all – a wasteland of bacteria and shame. It’s time to look for the hidden reservoir of paper on your persona. Check your pockets and wallet for everything—everything! – which can be used, for example:
- Fabrics. This is of course pretty obvious. If you have a pack of tissues in your coat pocket, your toilet won’t be as traumatic.
- Receipts. If you logged into CVS right before going to the bathroom, you’re in luck. Paper receipts aren’t perfect, but they can get the job done. Of course, you won’t be able to get those reckless impulse purchases back, but you’ll beat entropy for another day, and that’s not all.
- Wrappers. Similarly, candy wrappers or other packaging that you have in your bag or pocket can also help in an emergency.
- Cash. Okay, listen to me. Yes, that makes it the most expensive public toilet you’ll ever use, but in this case, spending a few one dollar bills might be justified. If you do not have singles, you will have to engage in a very serious conversation with yourself about the price of your dignity.
Make a bidet with your own hands
Americans are strangely opposed to bidets, but even if you think using a jet of water to clean up after pooping is a vicious communist plot to weaken American resolve, anything goes in emergencies. If you have a water bottle with you, consider using it for paperless cleaning. Water is pretty effective for this – which is why billions of people around the world use it in place of or in combination with toilet paper – so it could be a great choice. And the start of exciting new frontiers for you to explore.
Donate your wardrobe
Oh, we’ve reached the final circle of hell. You have been in the toilet for half an hour and determined that help will not come and there are no alternative supplies. You may suddenly realize that you shit in the toilet and not in the toilet. Whatever the reason, there is literally nothing to replace toilet paper with. Except, of course, your own clothes.
Yes, horror. But also! Better than the alternative, at least marginally. Your choices (in order from least terrifying to most terrifying):
- Socks. Socks are your best bet once you hit that bottom because they come in pairs. Once you’re done cleaning up, you can carefully slide the dirty sock inside his mate, making it lightweight and relatively hygienic for debris.
- Underwear . Reasoning that your underpants will be ruined anyway if you don’t do something, maybe they will force them to sacrifice themselves.
- Mike. If you’re wearing a tank top or multiple layers of shirts, you may not need them.
One final note: whatever you use in this situation (with the exception of toilet seat covers), don’t flush it down the toilet . Even paper products such as paper towels or napkins should not be rinsed off because they do not disintegrate like toilet paper (after all, napkins are designed to withstand harsh sneezes and last for a long time, clogging, for example, our sewer systems). ). If you still have to resort to one of these desperate measures, gather your courage and go to the trash.