What Your Sexts (or Lack Thereof) Say About Your Relationship
The advent of smartphones with great cameras is one of many modern innovations that have only reinforced an indisputable fact of human existence: we are all excited. Heck, innovation is exciting in and of itself – for a long time, the prevailing view was that new technologies would be successful as soon as someone figured out how to make them sexy . Not surprisingly, the devices we use to send work emails or communicate with relatives are also used to satisfy our basest desires.
Sexting is now a cultural constant, or so it seems. Here at Lifehacker you can find guides to shooting your best nudes , tips on what to do if your nudes are leaked , and how to hide sensitive content on your phone . Everyone seems to be doing it, but if you’re worried about not doing it enough or doing it too much, don’t worry: sexting is popular enough to be studied – again, everyone’s excited, even academia. . So, here’s what science can tell you about what your sexting (or lack thereof) means for your relationship.
There are four separate groups of sexters
A 2018 study by Galovan et al . found that most sexters fall into one of four separate categories, so if you’re concerned, you’re relying too much on wordy descriptions and not enough on showing, not telling, with front camera. relax. And if you’re worried about not having sex when everyone else seems to be, relax more: Of the 615 committed Americans and Canadians surveyed by the researchers, 71.5% did not have sex at all (“not sexters”). ). Of these, 14.5% were “word-only” sexters, 8.5% were “frequent” sexters, and 5.5% were “hypersexters”.
Whether you have a lot of sex or nothing at all, you belong to a significant cohort of like-minded people. What really matters is finding a partner who falls into the same category as you, whatever that category is.
Sexting can be good for your relationship
When it comes to sexting in partnerships, research has shown that both frequent and hypersexual people report the same overall relationship satisfaction as non-sexsters and their peers who only communicate with words but indicate more sexual satisfaction than these two groups.
“This is just one study,” warned Dr. Barbara Greenberg, a clinical psychologist and therapist who reviewed the results and wrote about them. However, she said, “Maybe – just maybe – it’s because these couples are more open about [their] sexuality.”
There’s one problem, however: More prolific sexters, she noted, “are also more likely to engage in infidelity-related behavior on social media, so it’s a mixed bag.”
If you and your partner are constantly exchanging photos and dirty messages, it’s important to be open and open about your boundaries and expectations when it comes to their (and your) behavior – both with you and with others.
Be careful of course
This all sounds great – you have a smartphone with a camera, and sexting can boost your overall sexual satisfaction. But remember: the vast majority of students rarely, if ever, engage in this activity. There are flaws that hold people back, and they should be taken into account.
“If you’re in a committed relationship, people often do things through messages that they don’t have the courage to do in person,” Greenberg said, pointing to another finding from the study: Sexters reported they didn’t like their relationship. partner to look at their phones. If something ends up damaging your trust, it might not be worth continuing even if it seems like everyone is doing it. The most important thing, she repeated, was to be open and communicative.
“It may be good for some couples, but [not] for other couples,” Greenberg said.
Talk to your partner before jumping
Greenberg emphasized the importance of trust in any sexual relationship, noting the risks involved in sending explicit messages or photos to someone with whom you are not in a serious relationship.
However, people do it all the time. (Remember: everyone is horny.) But if you’re going to send a sexy snap, at least you can ask first, no matter who it’s for. Get consent and make sure you’re both on the same page. In more committed relationships, be upfront with your partner about what you want or don’t want when it comes to foreplay in your SMS messages. If you want more sexting, ask for it: “I think it would be so sexy if you could send me a sexy photo while I’m running errands. Do you want to try to surprise me?”
If you don’t want this kind of content, be clear about that too. ( “Hey, when I’m at work, I’m not in the mood to do this kind of thing at all. Can we reserve an intimate time when we’re alone together?” ) You can also make it clear that you don’t enjoy sexting anytime and would rather strengthen your sexual connection in other ways.
If your partner isn’t into the same things as you, take all of that into account. Discuss it. Perhaps you are sexually incompatible – and this is a more serious conversation. So be it – do not go behind their backs and do not have sex with others. It’s better to break up or find a middle ground together than to be just another lewd, deceptive statistic.