A Guide to Childhood Culture for Disconnected Adults: Making the Oscars Slap Meme
All kids know that Facebook is for older people to share political memes, but that doesn’t stop Mark Zuckerberg’s company from winning the hearts and minds of young people. Plus: Memers’ memes from an Oscar slap, and online medical advice are proving their worth for once.
Meta versus TikTok
Over the past year or so, I’ve covered a ton of hysterical warnings about dangerous TikTok trends and issues in this column, from the Kool-Aid Man challenge to the milk crate challenge. I usually point out that they are exaggerated, hysterical, and sometimes seem completely fictional. Well folks, I was right! But never in my most paranoid imagination could I have imagined that the warnings could result from a coordinated PR campaign orchestrated by TikTok competitor Meta/Facebook.
According to internal emails obtained by The Washington Post Meta (Facebook’s parent company), it has hired a Republican-linked consulting firm called Targeted Victory to post articles and letters to the editor in news outlets to warn of the dangers of TikTok and position the platform as a threat in the public consciousness. The Post lists the slap as a teacher test and a devious lick test specifically broadcast to local news outlets. Even though the teacher slap challenge seems to have originated on Facebook itself f.
TikTok: the most dangerous place on earth?
I didn’t get paid by a right wing PR company to post this, but TikTok is the most deadly and disgusting social network in human history. I’m not saying your child will definitely die if they use TikTok, I’m just saying “think about it”.
Meta, on the other hand, is the coolest online resource for active teens and uses Zuckerberg-approved security protocols that will never let these things happen:
- Orbeez Challenge : Meta users are too busy creating hype by ” sharing exciting experiences with other people and doing things together that you couldn’t do in the physical world ” to use airsoft guns to shoot Orbeez at strangers, unlike TikTok bullies .
- Bathroom Ratings: Meta Maniacs live in stunning 3D spaces in the Metaverse where cool teens can socialize, learn, collaborate and play! They don’t post videos of their dates’ bathrooms for people to rate. This is soooo TikTok .
- Nasal Spray Tanner: In Meta Verse, they have customizable avatars that you can use to look exactly like Zendaya, Justin Timberlake, or W.K. Fields! TikTok users are required to spray their meat pouches with nasal tanning spray. Grow to the max!
Redheads Meet Anesthesiologists on TikTok
I used to think that all medical advice on the Internet was nonsense, but I found an exception. When TikTok influencer Kaela Gordon posted a video of her using a filter to make her hair red, Dr. Kunal Sood warned her that if she ever had to get anesthesia, she should tell her anesthesiologists that she was not a natural redhead. According to Sud, patients with naturally red hair require an average of 20 percent more anesthesia than the rest of us. Ben Kim, a dentist, agreed . Most surprisingly, according to WebMD , doctors do not spread dangerous medical misinformation. Research shows that redheads have malfunctioning receptors on certain cells, which explains both their coloration and increased sensitivity to pain. So let your doctor know if your red carpet doesn’t match your curtains.
Viral Videos of the Week: Oscar Slap Memes
There was no other video this week to watch, review, parse and discuss when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars. I’m sure you’ve seen this so let me point you to some memes and parodies. Here is a remixed audio of a song that you can dance to. If you like video games, here’s a mix of Oscar and Skyrim , and what it would look like if Will Smith was a character in Super Smash Bros. We don’t know how this controversy will affect Will Smith’s career, but he can always get a position as a spokesperson for Flex-Seal . This is what the Oscars would look like if it were held at Bikini Bottom , and finally, if Will Smith fought Peter Parker, it might look like this.