How to Deal With a Colleague You Absolutely Hate
Isn’t it great when you make friends at work? You can go somewhere after work, sympathize with your shared experience, and remain friends long after you’ve left your company. But as wonderful as it is, there is also a darker opposite situation: sometimes you absolutely hate a colleague.
However, you can still be productive at work and achieve your goals, despite your overwhelming dislike for a colleague. Here’s how.
The practice of “professional detachment”
First of all: divide your feelings into parts. It’s obvious, but you have to support it.
“Practice what’s called professional detachment,” says Lori Roittimann , HR consultant and author of Betting Yourself: How to Put Yourself First and (Finally) Take Control of Your Career . “Treat this person like a client, not like a colleague. If they are clients, you will have some emotional distance. You can also set boundaries. Finally, it doesn’t matter if they piss you off because, after all, they just aren’t part of your life. They are part of your network. You can technically fire them emotionally.”
One digital worker, who asked not to be identified due to his disinterest in setting professional bridges on fire, recalled working six years ago with someone whose personality was blunt and whose intransigent politics he found downright distasteful. “Honestly, we were doing well,” he said, adding, “I left the company after a few weeks.”
No, you do n’t need to quit. This is an extreme example, although it is certainly an option, especially if you can get a better job and level up. Instead, focus on the ” Honestly , we’re fine” part, which is exactly what professional detachment leads to. Completely ignoring the person can be tempting, not the best kind: “Escape may make you feel better right away, but it won’t help your career in the long run, and it looks like you can’t connect with people.” you don’t see eye to eye.”
Instead, he said, “Kill them with kindness and act like you totally agree with them, but limit your interaction.” According to him , it can even “drive them crazy” and make them leave.
You can dislike someone and continue to work with them. You may think that their opinions are terrible, their actions are inexcusable, and their work is substandard, but you can still do your part to treat them respectfully and professionally during work hours. Reduce the amount of time you spend with them as much as possible, put on a happy face when you need to see them, and keep moving like an adult.
Seek a solution to the conflict by any means
Roittimann said that during her years in the human resources department, she constantly interacted with employees. (“I worked in HR. I saw this weekly. This is the story of my life.”)
According to her, this conflict needs to be resolved, and there are two ways to ensure it: find a reasonable compromise or find a productive solution.
If two people come to a healthy compromise, they both agree on what needs to be done, they respect each other, and maybe they don’t both win at once, but they “both win a little.” If instead they come to a productive solution, she said, it means they both hate each other, their differences are insurmountable, but they agree to “just do their job.”
A healthy compromise can be reached by two people on their own. To do this, consider working on more projects with the other person, getting to know them better, and putting your own work first. If that doesn’t work, refocus your goal on finding a productive solution, but keep in mind that you’ll need an intermediary. Roittimann said it could be another person in the department, a manager or an HR representative.
Determine if you are a problem
Don’t hate us for this, but have you ever wondered if you ‘re the problem here? Do you dislike your colleague for a good reason, or do you hate him because he reminds you of your former best friend? Are you just in a bad mood, in general? You hate your job and would you mind taking that frustration out on the innocent people who work there? If they have a job you want, can you criticize them for not doing it the way you would if you were given the chance?
Colleagues fighting is nothing new. Back in 2012, Robert Sutton, a professor of management science and engineering at Stanford University, told the Harvard Business Review , “When someone does better than us, we tend to despise them.” You should try to identify the behavior, not the traits, that annoy you so that you can determine if your dislike is really rooted in something significant.
Ventilate, but only after work
Sure, gossiping with colleagues can relieve stress and create a sense of community, but don’t talk shit about a despised colleague to others at work. Do you really know who is on your side, or someone you impersonate might be a secret ally of your enemy or a dispassionate bystander who just wants to stir up some drama and see how it unfolds? Instead, tell all your frustrations to your friends outside of work.
You need to maintain courtesy between you and your hateful peer, whether that hostility goes both ways or just one. Maintaining professional behavior at work is important, as is being able to express yourself outside of work hours, vent all your emotions, and feel less weighed down by it all.