The Difference Between Envy and Jealousy

Jealousy and envy are not exactly the same thing, although both are negative feelings related to what we feel when it seems like someone else is getting what we want. Are you jealous or jealous of your friend’s flawless hair, your co-worker’s promotion, or your spouse’s new friendship with someone who is a little more attractive than you?

Envy is what you want but don’t have

Envy is a simpler concept, so let’s start with that. It refers to something rather specific: situations where someone has something that you don’t have.

In this case, you focus on what they have rather than how you feel about them personally. You may be jealous of someone’s personality or possessions: maybe their self-confidence, their style, their car, their high-paying job that allows them to take a lot of vacations while you work from home.

Your feelings about this may be complex. Maybe you feel bitter that you don’t have what they have; maybe you were content with your position until you saw that they were in a better position. But at its core, envy is about wanting something that you don’t have.

Jealousy describes a perceived threat

When you’re jealous, there’s literally more going on than just wanting something you don’t have. Often you have what you want, but now you feel threatened or betrayed.

This concept occurs in relationships: you are happy with your partner, but now someone else is flirting with him. What if your partner likes this new guy better? The underlying emotion here is the feeling that your position is under threat. You may lose your partner.

It is sometimes said that it takes three to be jealous, but only two to be jealous. This is not entirely true because you may feel threatened or betrayed in a relationship that is not romantic. If you have a competitor at work and maybe you’re doing a better job even though they’ve been there longer, they may be concerned that you’ll get the promotion or appointment they think they deserve. It’s still jealousy.

It’s also worth noting that jealousy can be a personality trait, in which case it’s a red flag for an abusive relationship. If your boyfriend is always suspicious of the people you spend time with, testing you to the point of becoming obsessive, and preventing you from having a normal relationship without him, that’s not normal . Someone who has a healthy relationship attitude will not be so insecure or possessive.

However, back to the language to describe it: in fact, you can be jealous and envious at the same time. The singer in “Jolene” is jealous because she is worried that Jolene will take her man, but she also seems to be jealous of Jolene’s brown hair and emerald green eyes.

“Envy” can actually mean “envy”.

To add a layer of confusion – sorry – we often say that we are “envy” of something that we are jealous of. If someone tells you they ate well, or had a good vacation, or had a good night’s sleep, and you casually reply, “I’m so jealous,” you’re talking about your envy (as described above). This is a historically common use of the word “jealous “, so it’s not entirely wrong , but now you know that “envy” is a word that more accurately expresses what you mean.