Yes, Your Cat Is a Real Psychopath (and How to Deal With It)

We don’t use the phrase “lecherous indifference” too often, but when we do, it probably refers to the cat. Anyone who has been in contact with a domestic cat of any breed knows why they have a reputation for being soulless manipulators: They look at you with the serene calm of a serial killer, usually doing something intimidating, such as purposefully pushing valuable figurines off a shelf or carelessly attempting to kill. your other pets. The internet is full ofcompilations of videos showing bad cat behavior, but we hardly need proof. The hallmark of your feline pet is detached disdain.

Another reason why we are so willing to believe that our cats are psychopaths? They don’t have many facial muscles . This blank look you get from a cat is not because they are getting ready to throw all of Patrick Bateman at you, but because they communicate in other ways, using their tail, ears and other body language.

But just because your cat is a sea of ​​secrets does not mean that they are not plotting to kill you in your sleep and embezzle money from your bank accounts to buy sardines and felted mice. As it turns out, science has been researching cats and has concluded that yes, they are psychopaths .

Cat evolution

Not only do cats exhibit common traits associated with psychopathy (egotism, callousness, and “ruthless treatment of others” – a phrase so accurate in describing cats that it is actually frightening), but this behavior is probably the result of evolution. The study developed a scientific standard for testing the psychopathic behavior of cats, and then several hundred cat owners were asked a series of questions. The answers provided a pretty clear picture of a common pet that probably shouldn’t be in our homes – obviously, letting a cat into your house is like inviting some vampires to cocktails.

The researchers who conducted the study suggested that psychopathic behavior in ancient cats likely gives them better access to resources such as food, water, and warm human knees. These personality traits also made ancient cats more solitary – an evolutionary trend that is now backfiring as we regularly catch cats and jail them in our homes, then get furious when they don’t just sit around. staying charming 24 hours a day. …

How to deal with cat behavior

If psychopathy is the defining trait of cats, the defining trait of humanity, it is probably affable stupidity, because we are a species known for doing things that are harmful to us. This includes allowing these furry little psychos into our homes, where we let them do things like stare at us while we sleep, scratch our jewelry to hell, and step into flying furry notes with each other that sound like – then from someone else’s. horror. So, since we can safely assume that no one reading about this study is going to act wisely and evict their cats (I own five cats myself, and even if I found bomb making materials hidden in one of their hideouts , I wouldn’t evict them anyway, perhaps because I am enslaved by a parasitic infection ) how can you effectively combat some of their most psychopathic (and sometimes legally dangerous) behaviors?

First, check your health status. Many of the negative behaviors in cats are due to a physical or mental disorder. If your cat suddenly howls violently, is very destructive, or goes to the bathroom outside the litter box, start by visiting your vet to rule out the illness. You can also see a behaviorist veterinarian (aka feline therapist) to determine if they are experiencing stress or other triggers that lead to unwanted behavior.

Second, contrary to popular belief, a cat can be trained . The independent spirit and noncooperation of cats is greatly exaggerated – by using a combination of mild deterrents (such as noise or a water bottle) and rewards, you can change your cat’s behavior to be less insanely hostile. But while it’s worth it, it takes time. In the meantime, here are some specific strategies for dealing with feline psychopathic behavior.

Disconnection

Cats have a strange urge to snake between your legs when you try to walk, and the more liquids and fragile objects you carry, the harder they try to trip over you . This can be quite dangerous, especially if you are going up or down stairs while they are doing it. Several ways to survive:

• Access Control: A gate for pets / children that restricts your cat’s access (such as stairs), thus limiting their ability to attempt killing.
• Call them: like any aspiring killer, cunning is your cat’s best friend. Thwart their plans with an old school bell and collar so that at least you are alerted when the beast makes its move.

Fighting

Psychopathic cats are not only a threat to you, but also to your other pets, including their fellow cats. To reduce vet visits after bloody scraps, make sure all your pets are in a designated area and carefully monitor resources such as food. You might think that giving each cat in your house a separate meal to eat would reduce fighting, but it could cause aggressive cats to regularly invade more timid animals to raid their food, so setting a time food intake can reduce violence between pets. …

Scratches

Cats have razor-sharp claws and brains the size of a walnut, so cat owners usually put up with the bloody scratches they wear as badges of honor. But an aggressive cat can be dangerous, as scratching the eyes or other sensitive areas can do real damage. A few tips:

• Hold them back when they are young: kittens’ claws are tiny and harmless, which is why we often encourage prickly behavior because we find their little fits of anger cute. Resisting this urge and preventing scratching as early as possible will save you from traveling to emergency rooms in the future.
• Look for triggers. Despite the narrative that “cats are psychos”, aggressive behavior in cats is usually triggered, although these triggers do not always make sense to us. For too long petting or encouraging rough play can lead to an attack. If you spot and identify a trigger, you can work to avoid it.
• Try pheromones . Pheromone-based products can sometimes work; These devices usually come in the form of air fresheners that you plug into a power outlet. These devices release calming pheromones into the air, which can reduce your cat’s stress and, as a result, the urge to scratch your eyes.
• Redirect with toys. Cats love to scratch things. If your cat loves to scratch you , try giving her a replacement when it does – a large stuffed toy is perfect for her to get rid of her aggression.

Vocalization

“Vocalization” is a buzzword that means “wake you up six times in a night with demonic howls.” Sleep disturbance, while not immediately dangerous, will definitely negatively impact your health in the long run. Here are some ways to deal with this behavior:

• Give them extra attention. Cats who howl at night are often bored, and because they are psychopaths, they see nothing wrong with waking you up for fun. Giving your little psychopath a little play right before bed can tire him out and satisfy his nightly urge to play.
• Staying resilient. Whatever you do, don’t reward your cat with vocals by getting up and giving her what she wants – food, pets, your banking app passwords. This will calm them down for a moment, but it will also teach them that this behavior works .
• Give them a mild deterrent. A cat should never be physically punished (again: it has a brain the size of a walnut and they often don’t know what they are doing), but negative results can affect their behavior. Spraying a screaming cat with water will teach them not to do this over time.

Cats can be idiots, there’s no arguing. But since about four percent of people are sociopaths, and we are not worried about this, we should be able to cope with a certain level of psychopathic behavior in our feline friends. Alternatively, start seeing grooming and feeding your cat as a series of tributes to the terrible demon and every day you don’t wake up dead as a gift.