How to Keep Your Family Sober During the Holidays
There is no shortage of reasons why you could be sober this holiday season and beyond. However, nothing tests your resolve like the political ranting of a loved one, or questioning you about your life decisions, or otherwise pushing your buttons in a way that only a family can do. For many of us, family time is like drinking alcohol: best in moderation.
Just because your family is testing your patience or causing stress does not mean that you dislike them; and just because they drink alcohol or have doubts about the reasons for your sobriety does not necessarily mean that they are not supporting you. However, it is helpful to have a strategy for getting through a sober vacation with your family. According to Dr. Denis Caris, Principal Research Fellow at America’s Recovery Centers , it’s important to “recognize that [triggers for drinking] are present in your life, define what they are, and plan accordingly.”
Here are some specific tips on how to have fun with your family without reaching for a bottle.
Anticipate your triggers
You know your family and yourself better than anyone. “You should always put yourself and your sobriety first,” Kariz writes . “People who love you and want the best for you will respect that. Anyone else can go down the hall. “
Prepare yourself mentally for how your loved ones will react to your sobriety, as well as any other behavior they exhibit, which usually prompts you to drink. Consider writing a list of potential triggers in one column and then preparing a response to them in another.
Tell people you won’t drink beforehand
Accountability is the key to success. As you get closer to cultivation season – which I call the time period associated with New Year’s decisions – you will hear this advice over and over again. Warning others about your goals is a surefire way to stay in their path. And as long as you’re comfortable sharing your vow of sobriety, this tactic primarily helps prevent people from offering you drinks. If someone tries to get you to drink, others will support you. In addition, the very fact that you will not drink will help in the first place to confirm your motivation.
Keep your hands busy
This advice is simple but effective. Try to always have a soft drink in hand to resist the temptation of alcohol. Make sure you have soft drinks available or bring your own. Who doesn’t love a non-alcoholic cocktail ?
Alternatively, you can keep yourself busy by offering to help with the dishes or arguing with running children. You will not only be distracted from alcohol, but also win the heart of the owner.
Visualize your strategy
Visualization is a powerful tool for preparing for difficult tasks. As you anticipate triggers, take the time to really imagine yourself saying no to temptation. Don’t be afraid to practice in front of a mirror. And if saying “no” is a problem for you (it is definitely for me), here is a template to defend your position and give up something .
Have an exit strategy
Think in advance how and when you will leave the holiday. Maybe you leave as soon as the rooms are cleaned, or you agreed that a friend faked an emergency right at 9:00 pm. Nobody needs to know the real reason why you are leaving earlier. As Into Action Recovery Centers notes: “To say that you are not feeling well is not true. It’s okay to put recovery first, stay a little vague, and take care of yourself. ”
Carise also offers a BYOC trick : “Bring your car. You don’t want to rely on someone else for transportation. When you want (or want) to leave, you must have the freedom of movement in your own car. “
Prepare a support system
If you attend face-to-face meetings, consider if you can bring a sober buddy with you. If not, call a friend. Ask someone you trust ahead of time if they’ll be there to chat when things get tough, if necessary.
If you are having difficulty, you can call the National Drug and Mental Health Administration (SAMHSA) hotline at 1-800-662-4357 for information about support and treatment centers in your area.
Set (and keep) boundaries
Borders and family do not go hand in hand. However, hanging out with your family is the best hope for your loved ones to respect what you are trying to do. Whether you’re in the midst of a long recovery or sticking to a weeklong challenge, constantly remind yourself of the deeper reasons why you stay sober. Most likely, these reasons are more important than one family meeting.
And if your family doesn’t understand and respect your boundaries, just don’t take risks this year. You don’t need to visit family members who are not supportive. Hopefully they’ll be there for you, but if not, don’t feel obligated to be around them.