How to Tell When You’re in an Emotional Affair (and What to Do About It)

The word “romance” makes you think about ardent, passionate, physical affairs, but not every business is a personal date. Some are emotional and, unlike their physical counterparts, can be more difficult to identify. Are you being too personal with a colleague? Are you making an excuse to see your child’s cute teacher? Is the other person getting closer to you too, even if both of you or one of you are already in a relationship?

If you were dating, it would be easy to know that you are having an affair, but the emotional has gray areas – after all, having a close friend outside of your romantic relationship is definitely not a crime. Here’s how to determine what you are in it and what you can do about it.

Assess your existing relationship with your partner

Before trying to figure out the intricacies of your potential emotional romance and all that it entails, take a closer look at the house. How are you and your main partner doing lately? Are you content and happy in your relationship?

Just because you’re not fighting or on the brink of divorce doesn’t mean you’re happy, but it can be difficult to admit or admit that something’s wrong, especially if your current partner is generally pretty good and not a complete monster. You may feel like you don’t want to give up the whole partnership because of one thing – for example, a lack of sex or constant disagreements about parenting – and perhaps it prevents you from doing a more fulfilling business and leads you to emotionally quit. …

“Now that I’m on the other side, I can recognize more signs that lead to this,” said DJ, a 30-year-old woman from the Great Plains who was involved in an emotional connection that her husband still does not know. I don’t know about it – and refused to give her name for obvious reasons. “My mother-in-law has moved and she and her husband have problems with alcohol. I began to feel like a third wheel in my own home. All my decisions were constantly tested. I felt uncomfortable, insecure and lonely. I didn’t talk to my husband about any of this. I thought he would understand how unhappy I am. He didn’t. “

Find out how you feel about the person you might be cheating on.

After you’ve taken a critical look at what’s going on in your core relationships, it’s time to analyze the ones that make you wonder if you’re in an emotional romance. Think about how you feel when that person’s name appears on your phone or when you see them. If you experience any obvious crushing symptoms, such as butterflies in your stomach, be honest with yourself. This is love. There are romantic undertones. Admit it.

Hobbies are normal and it doesn’t really matter. The romantic part comes when you start reaching out to the other person for emotional support or reassurance that you should probably seek from your real partner.

If you are discussing highly personal or sexual topics with this person, this could be a serious red flag. This was the first sign that the DJ was starting an emotional romance.

“We talked for several weeks, and I was not in town for the wedding, and I was drunk and asked him if he thought I was beautiful. From this, everything heated up and became a little piquant for a while, ”she admitted.

An emotional affair, like any affair, is not all about sexual pleasure, though. When you reach out to someone for support, conversation, or an ego boost, it’s obvious that you are striving for it and probably not getting it from the main partner in your life.

“We also had amazing conversations,” said the DJ. They talked about things she didn’t think she could talk to her husband about at the time, such as another man’s work, her dream of going back to school, politics, and her favorite films. “We knew that we were both married and we were not going to part with our spouses, but we needed something other than marriage.”

Here’s what to do if you’re having an emotional romance

If you realize that you are having an emotional romance, what you do is up to you, and there are several options. You can keep sneaking, texting, or talking to someone you may or may not end up meeting, and hide it all, but keep in mind that you may feel more and more guilty. An emotional romance can seem even more intimate than a physical one. Anyone can make a mistake and become touchy with a hottie, but the constant conversation in which you reveal your secrets and receive emotional support is deliberate and uniquely deep. The longer this goes on, the worse you may feel and the more painful it can be.

To that end, you can be honest with your partner and offer an open relationship or tell them what exactly is missing in your current agreement and what you need them to do for you, which they don’t. You can also cut off the other person and try to do it alone with your main pressure. Whether you tell your primary partner what you did after you ended your relationship with the other person is again up to you.

The DJ finished her emotional romance and never told her husband about what was happening behind him for several months, but admitted it was difficult: “We haven’t spoken in years. To be honest, I still miss these conversations. “

The best thing you can do is relax a little and understand why you were looking for emotional support from this other person. Don’t beat yourself up for it; you obviously needed what you were not getting.

“If you would be uncomfortable finding your conversations on your spouse’s device, then you know you should talk to your spouse. My husband and I really needed to learn how to communicate and make sure that our needs were heard. And sometimes the relationship doesn’t work out, and that’s okay too. I don’t think one person should meet all of your needs, ”said the DJ.