What Aspects of Thanksgiving Are Non-Negotiable?

I like to think of myself as a calm, normal, almost relaxed observer of Thanksgiving, but in truth, I’m kind of a tyrant. I hide my tyrannical tendencies by voluntarily accepting and preparing most of my meals to make sure the turkey is wet, the cranberry sauce is sweet enough and the Jiffy corn casserole is on the table.

My philosophy behind this is twofold: you cannot make demands without offering to do the associated labor (or any other kind of labor as a profession, be it setting the table or moving furniture), and you must always obey the owner. … If you are offering to bring “any food the host might need,” bring what they ask for. If they can’t make your loved one, offer to bring it yourself. This keeps you polite.

There are many emotions associated with people’s favorite dishes. The most obvious is turkey, and dads are more likely to get upset if you try to substitute another protein for it, but a lot of people have feelings around them as well. I can’t imagine Thanksgiving without a Jiffy cornbread casserole, so I always suggest making one in case someone else doesn’t want to. (My friend Beck usually makes it now, after having tasted it the year I brought it to her house. It’s a very powerful side dish.)

Each has its own irreplaceable, non-negotiable meals, and I want to know yours. Somewhat unexpectedly, I became an Indian (continuing the work of my sister, whom I am transforming into our father). Previously, I didn’t care about the turkey at all, but now it’s a matter of pride to give my friends and family a juicy, fragrant bird every year. I also need mashed potatoes, some sweet potato dish (here’s the pick for this year ), and a pecan pie.

Share your thoughts in the comments to find your people. Are you a team pecan pie, apple pie, or sweet potato pie ? Does turkey matter to you? What is the most important starch? Let me know and I will collect your adorable comments to share with the world. (I can’t wait to check the results against Sarah’s list of foods to be banned from the dinner table on Thanksgiving . I bet there will be a fair amount of coincidence.)

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