How to Comfort Text Without Bothering With Every Word

Your friend sends you long paragraphs about his breakup, boss, or grief. How do you show them that you are interested and listening? Even before the pandemic, we knew that there are certain aspects of personal communication that cannot be replicated through text messages or calls. When you want to comfort a loved one, it can be frustrating to lose subtleties like eye contact, a sympathetic nod, or just presence.

At the same time, there are unique advantages associated with highlighting text, such as highlighting an entire paragraph of thought without interruption or distraction. As a listener, you also have the opportunity to spend more time coming up with a thoughtful response. You may even have the guts to type something that you don’t necessarily have to say to someone’s face.

Even with the barriers of digital communication, most of the same qualities of good listening still hold true. It is always helpful to read how to be a good listener when someone needs to be given an outlet . Below are some more tips on how to listen carefully to the text.

How to use reflective listening

We have already explained how to practice reflective listening in the past. The secret is to rephrase and reinterpret what your friend is saying, rather than repeating his arguments in response. Dr. Travis Bradburry, co-author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 , explains that you should “use your own words to show that you have internalized the information.”

If appropriate, you can also try to describe in your own words how they might feel. Psychotherapist Sarah Rice cited Bustle as an example: “It seems that what you are going through is really difficult and frustrating.” This will show your friend that you are not only listening to what they say, but also how they are saying it.

Answer, don’t react

The beauty of texting is that your friend completes his thought before you instinctively intervene with a question, sigh, or touch. Instead of these impulsive responses, you have time to come up with a thoughtful response, such as asking additional questions or getting clarification about how they are feeling.

If you have an authoring listener block, here are some suggestions you can try to answer but not respond to:

• Do you mean…
• You seem to be feeling …
• I hear …
• I’m sorry you’re going through this, [follow-up question]
• Do you need solutions right now or my support?

This is a key aspect of reflective listening and becoming a better listener in general.

Mirror tone with your texting style

It’s true that texting means you can’t pick up tones in a friend’s voice or body language. But if you notice that they are suddenly using perfect punctuation, now is not the time to chat with emoticons. Longer paragraphs of text can help demonstrate that you are fully present, while shorter passages of text can lighten the setting and provide comfort for your friend. Mirroring the style of your texting as a way to reflect your friend’s emotions.

Reread their text before answering.

While guessing and retyping over and over again can make your friend’s situation worse, you can still take advantage of the time that is not available in person. Give yourself 30 seconds before posting your answer. In addition to slowing down your conversation speed, you can be mindful of key points left by your friend.

Can’t call? Try voice memos

If you and your friend have a smartphone of the same brand, you can probably send voice memos to each other. This is the secret weapon of quality ventilation sessions, especially if you are struggling with typing your thoughts and feelings. You get the benefits of a continuous rant accompanied by text messages, as well as emotional cues in someone’s voice that come in during calls. Plus, you can rewrite as many times as you like.

Manage expectations

With the help of text messages, your friend can completely immerse yourself in the conversation when you are in the middle of the work day, or when you are driving somewhere, or are usually distracted because life is tiring. Tell them where you are mentally and physically so they know that you are not intentionally ignoring them for any reason. If necessary, consider telling them that you have read their texts, but you will need a few hours to fully respond. Always choose transparency.

Avoid Reacting iMessage

Are you taking my message because you like that I’m sad? What do these exclamation marks actually mean? These reactions leave too many questions to interpret, so skip them.

Be present

As with any other type of listening, your friend most likely just needs support and hearing. Even in texting, your job is not to be perfect, but to be present. Sometimes – maybe even most of the time – it’s as easy as finding a few different ways to say, “That’s rude, buddy.”