What Can You Learn From My 10 Year Mental Health Battle
When you have mental health problems, no one tells you that it can take years to solve them. This is understandable – mental health professionals often try to help you get through the day, get out of school, get back to work, or deal with a host of other problems. Over the years, every time I got depressed or felt that my anxiety was growing rapidly again, I felt that something was wrong with me. That I have failed.
This year I have especially struggled with depression. I was haunted by the treatment I received in a toxic company. At home and on the Internet, I was plagued by the daily deaths, despair and isolation caused by the pandemic. Money also played a role, as I supported my sick mother for many years. Often I would lie awake in bed for hours, worrying about one thing, the other, and the other. At times like these, the weight on my shoulders seemed unbearable.
The day when I told my doctor and therapist with tears in my eyes that I needed help again, after that I felt a little better. Maybe it was an experience that I went through so many times, but for the first time in my life I did not feel guilty for being depressed and anxious. I was just glad they helped me. When I told my family and friends about my struggle, they didn’t get angry, but instead offered their support.
Most importantly, that day I realized that we are all a product of our life stories. I am grateful that I am now, but it was not easy: from a young age I knew hunger, abandonment, loneliness and ridicule. I even had moments when I didn’t want to live. But instead of trying to ignore these chapters of my life, this year I learned to accept that they are part of my path, and they can always be. They just aren’t the main story. This understanding, which is perhaps obvious to some, made all the difference to me.
Unfortunately, not everyone is privileged to share their mental health journey because they are no longer with us. I was almost one of them. Mental illness is an important risk factor for suicide , which was the 10th leading cause of death in the United States in 2019, accounting for more than 47,500 deaths. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, that year, 12 million Americans seriously considered suicide, 3.5 million planned a suicide attempt, and 1.4 million attempted suicide.
Today is September 10th, Suicide Prevention Day , so I want to share some of the lessons I learned from my battle. And while everyone has different problems, I hope this advice gives people some ideas to help them move forward. Overall, I want everyone who read this to know that maintaining good mental health is hard work and can take a long time, but you are not alone and you have many options.
Recognize when you’re out of order and need help
Our society prides itself on trying to survive at all costs, but sometimes it can lead people to postpone or refuse help when they need it. Sometimes we may even receive these messages from friends and family telling us to “get through this” or “get through this and appreciate what we have.” And while their intentions are good, you may hear a message about keeping quiet about your mental health problems or trying to deal with them alone.
Over the years, I have put off helping many times. Sometimes, when I was helped, I resisted it because I felt that receiving help meant admitting that I was “incomplete” in some way. I also isolated myself during times of depression because I didn’t want to “burden” or “frighten” anyone. However, in the end, I did the most harm to myself. Today I regularly rely on my psychologist, psychiatrist and family doctor. This is one of the best things I’ve done.
Find yourself a therapist who will also be your ally
It can take a while to find a therapist you can contact and provide you with the help you need. Despite the fact that it is difficult and frustrating, do not stop looking for them. It took me years to find a good psychologist. I happened to find her in the historic Spanish city of Segovia when I was studying abroad. From her I received kindness, compassion, empathy and a human compass that helps me find a way out of the dark and painful labyrinths in my head.
To this day, she celebrates my victories, comforts me when I cry, and challenges the painful ideas and expectations in my head. She also taught me the most important lesson on my path to mental health: “The only person who will be with you for the rest of your life is you, so your focus should always be on caring for you.”
Treat your mental health like your physical.
If you have a broken wrist, you probably won’t give up pain relievers or surgery. However, it is often difficult to make a choice in favor of treatment for mental disorders. But it doesn’t have to be.
I resisted taking medication for depression and anxiety for years because I didn’t want my friends and family to think that I was “crazy” or that “something was wrong with me.” A few months ago, I got to the point where I didn’t know what to do or how words could calm the storm in my head. I realized that I needed help, and I didn’t care what others thought about it. It has been years since I had the emotional stability that the medication gave me, and I regret not being brave enough to accept this treatment as an opportunity sooner, simply because I was afraid of what others would think.
Surround yourself with friends and loved ones who accept both good and bad days.
I know what it means to lose friends who can’t deal with your mental health problems. And you don’t have to blame them; Seeing someone they love in a bad place can be scary, especially when they don’t know how they can help.
However, the experience also made me treasure the people who stayed with me, even when I wasn’t sure I wanted to wake up the next day. These are people who have seen me cry and fight demons in my head countless times, and until now have always responded with love and tried to help me. Surrounding yourself with such people makes it much easier to focus on self-improvement and self-improvement. I can talk freely with friends and family and not worry about being judged or turned off.
Be honest in your fight
I avoided using the words “depression” and “anxiety” for many years because I didn’t want to be seen as different from other people. Recently, however, I have begun to incorporate these words into my everyday vocabulary. I don’t shout them to the sky – after all, everyone has a right to privacy – but I don’t shy away from them either, in part because being open about my own concerns can help reduce stigma for all of us.
Last month I started working out with a new personal trainer at the gym. While doing the leg exercises, I listened to him talk about how his girlfriend was going through difficult times with her family and how worried he was about her. I shared some of my concerns with him and told him that I regularly talk to a therapist and take medication for my depression and anxiety, and also advised him to consider talking about mental health with his girlfriend. He appreciated my honesty. And if she struggles, maybe he can cheer her up to find the help she needs.
Learn to respond to that inner voice that requires perfection
One of the biggest problems I’ve struggled with over the years is perfectionism. If something didn’t go as planned, I would start to break down. I worked with my therapist on these issues, and it took some time, but I learned to move away from this expectation of perfection. (I find this pressure especially harsh on women who are often expected to succeed, who are slim, well-dressed, mothers, wives, and the forever young at the same time.) You and your support system can come up with strategies to respond to that voice in your head. which requires perfection.
Get to know social networks for what they are
There were times when I avoided Twitter and Instagram for months because of what I found there. There was only success on Twitter: people got amazing jobs and did amazing things, with a side of its general toxicity. I got the impression that if I didn’t do great and amazing things, I was a failure. When I didn’t think about it, I worried about being bullied.
Meanwhile, everything on Instagram was perfect. Everyone lived an ideal life, even during the pandemic. Given that I worked from home, did not travel much, and preferred sweatpants to cute clothes, I felt like my life sucked. But, of course, social media spreads a unique type of lie, presenting life stories that are silenced, edited, and presented in the best possible light.
This does not mean that I avoid social media altogether, but I am more aware of what I actually see and try not to let other people’s posts make me feel bad.
Find out that you are not your achievements
From my very childhood, I felt that people did not see me if I didn’t impress – I win a competition or take first place in the class. This feeling stayed with me in high school, college, and at work. And while it was beneficial in some ways, I realized that when I think of my accomplishments as the only thing that matters, it’s not only tiring, but heartbreaking when I can’t produce anything at all.
In Spain, where I have been living for five years, the famous saying never leaves me: “We work to live. We don’t live to work. ” I continue to understand that my value lies in being human, living my life and continuing to grow.
It took me almost 10 years to achieve good health with my mental health. Many times I’ve felt like throwing away the towel, but I’m so glad I didn’t. I wish I had known these things years earlier, but sometimes you need to learn in your own time and in your own way. Of course, this does not mean that I am cured or that I will not fight. But this means that I will continue to fight, learn and live. I hope you will too.