Coping With Childhood Trauma As an Adult
Recovering from an injury is difficult whenever it happens. However, if adversity occurs in childhood, it can be especially difficult to overcome. Unlike adults, children have very little control over their environment. If a child lives in an abused home, their ability to escape from this environment is extremely limited, whereas an adult usually has more emotional and financial resources to escape.
Meanwhile, kids are still learning what a healthy relationship looks like, as well as how to deal with difficult situations. Growing up in a family where abusive behavior is the norm can distort their understanding of what is acceptable and what is not in the relationship. Even when trauma is imminent, such as the death of a family member or a serious illness of a family member, children still develop coping skills, making it much more difficult for them to relive what happened.
So how can adults who have experienced adversity in childhood cope with this trauma now that they have grown up?
How to measure your childhood trauma
The Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) test is a measure of childhood trauma. The test itself is short – only ten questions – and asks questions about the hardships of growing up in the family, including physical or sexual abuse, neglect, and family members with mental health or substance abuse problems.
The higher the score, the more likely a person will develop chronic health problems in adulthood , such as anxiety, depression, diabetes, asthma, cancer, obesity, coronary heart disease, and substance abuse. People who score 4 or more are at significantly higher risk than those who did not experience adversity in childhood.
If you have a high ACE score, knowing that these early experiences can negatively impact your health and well-being as an adult can be quite discouraging. It is very important to remember, however, that your ACE score is only an indicator of what you have been through, not a guarantee of what your future will look like.
“The fact that a person has experienced multiple ACE does not necessarily mean that subsequent problems are inevitable, it just makes them predisposed,” said Genevieve Rivera, executive director of the US-based SPCC , a non-profit organization dedicated to educating parents and preventing child abuse. … “We have strategies, practices, tools and routines that can help us rebuild our brains and our bodies.”
Start by seeking professional help
“If you have a history of trauma, if you went through adversity as a child, then what you can do is get support ahead of time,” said Melissa Goldberg-Minz, clinical psychologist and founder of Secure Base Psychology, PLLC . “This is what you can do proactively.”
People with high ACE scores are more likely to develop problems such as PTSD, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, anger, and suicidal impulses. This is why it is so important to be proactive in finding the mental health care you need. “It’s very important that you have a professional in your corner to help you get through this,” Rivera said.
Seeking help is often the first and most important step in overcoming the lingering effects of childhood adversity and can serve as a foundation for building a healthy and functional life.
Learn to recognize and develop healthy relationships
“Communication is the best medicine we have,” Goldberg-Minz said. If a child in adversity also experiences a warm, loving relationship – be it a parent, grandparent, or guardian – this often serves as a protective buffer against the development of problems later in life. “The single best way to deal with emotional pain is to connect with people to whom we feel securely attached,” she said.
However, adults who did not have a loving relationship as a child can still work to develop healthy relationships later in life, which may help prevent some of these outcomes. People are social beings. We crave connection, and if we don’t get it, our mental and physical health may suffer. Understanding what a healthy relationship looks like and what the boundaries and expectations of that relationship should be is key.
Make your physical and emotional well-being a priority
Given that adversity in childhood can lead to a range of chronic health problems later in life, whether physical or mental, it’s important to focus on caring for your physical and emotional well-being.
“You want to make sure your basic needs are met,” Goldberg-Minz said. This includes getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, following a healthy diet, and socializing with others. “If you don’t meet your basic needs, you will be more vulnerable to these bad consequences.”
This can be difficult, especially because conditions such as depression and anxiety make it especially difficult to get enough sleep or exercise. The more you can focus on your own physical and mental well-being, the better.
Boost your resilience
Resilience is the ability to quickly recover from adversity. Some children who go through adversity can develop resilience, while others find it harder. “Research shows that even one supportive parenting figure in a child’s life goes a long way in helping them develop that resilience,” Rivera said.
However, for those who have struggled to develop resilience in childhood, it is still possible to develop these skills in adulthood – and this goes back to seeking professional help and focusing on building those healthy relationships. When we do this, resilience can develop naturally.
“We all have resilience on the inside, but we have to work to develop it,” Rivera said. “Research has actually shown that our bodies have a positive biological response when we are surrounded by healthy relationships.”