How to Overhaul Your Social Calendar (Without Overdoing It)
The pandemic is far from over, but as vaccination rates rise steadily , personal social events are on the menu for the first time in 600 years. It’s hard to know how to relate to this: on the one hand, Zoom is bad, and the parties rule. On the other hand, constant social events are a great way to get burned out or contract the coronavirus.
How the hell are we supposed to deal with this? We’ve spent more than a year talking to our computers, while concepts like work-life balance and time have gradually lost all meaning. (And that would be if all was well.) Now do we have to remember how to deal with people and avoid the deadly airborne virus? That’s a lot to handle, so I asked Dr. Erin Berman, Ph.D., Ph.D., clinical psychologist at the National Institute of Mental Health, what to do.
Admit it is weird and difficult.
According to Dr. Berman, the feeling of a little excitement is now quite expected: “We seem to go from nothing to everything, or it will be felt in our bodies,” she tells me. “[The pandemic] has been going on for so long that some amount of anxiety, fear, stress [or] any [your] personal reaction is normal.”
The sudden transition from video chat to face-to-face meetings is not just a massive disruption to routine work. It also requires a different set of social skills because Zoom is not real life. “Knowing when to speak and when to listen is a common reaction,” explains Dr. Berman. “If you’ve only been practicing it with Zoom – which is a stress level in itself, but different from face-to-face interactions – [you] probably aren’t practicing.”
On top of that, there are many good reasons to be wary of personal social contact right now. Vaccines prevent the vast majority of serious illnesses, including hospitalizations and deaths, but vaccinated people can transmit and transmit a new, ultra-contagious variant of delta . All this is very fraught, and it seems that all of this is happening at the same time.
How to keep up without overdoing or underestimating
Dr. Berman stresses that returning to social life is the single best way to adjust without losing your mind. “It’s very important that we don’t [socialize] all or nothing, because then the anxiety grows in an excessive and irrational way,” she says.
But all versions of “relaxation” look slightly different. Your specific strategy depends on how you are already handling things: don’t you say yes to everything, or you don’t say everything?
If you say yes too much
When you accept every invitation offered, even friendly texts and emails start to feel like a threat. “If you’re always available, you don’t create boundaries – [so] you are kind of constantly on the alert,” says Dr. Berman. Here are her tips for avoiding burnout.
First of all, take care of the basics: first of all you need to make sure that you satisfy their basic human needs. “[Ask yourself:] Am I sleeping normally? Am I eating normally? Do I have the necessary time to be alone? Am I going to the gym or walking? Am I talking to my family? “Says Dr. Berman. If your social life conflicts with any of these factors, it’s time to take a step back.
Make a schedule and stick to it: Forcing yourself to get back to your routine will make you feel normal again, so look at your calendar and think about where you can set aside some time. Don’t set aside, for example, one day or evening a week just for real communication – set aside an hour just to manage your calendar. Continue to test yourself: if you think this is too much (or not enough), take the appropriate action.
Refusals should be clear and concise: when refusing someone, Dr. Berman strongly recommends not blaming, apologizing, or using what she calls “judgmental words.” “Just the facts, ma’am,” she says. Instead of leading with the words “I found it so difficult to keep up with my schedule,” describe what prevents you from accepting the invitation; If your child has a soccer tournament this weekend, say so, apologize and move on.
If You Say No Too Much
Going too hard in the opposite direction is just as harmful. We can’t keep hiding in sweat forever and pretending otherwise would probably be bad for your mental health. If you decline every invitation that comes to your aid, Dr. Berman recommends asking yourself what you really fear. But anyone who is concerned knows that the answer to this question is not always as easy as it seems. These tips should help.
Test Your Feelings: If your anxiety is off the charts, pay close attention to your physical symptoms (sweaty palms, increased heart rate, clenching of your jaws, or extra tension in your neck and shoulders). “One way to counteract [these symptoms] is to do something physical [that helps] you relax,” explains Dr. Berman. In other words, take a walk around the block or do a few push-ups before responding to an invitation that bothers you.
Imagine a worst-case scenario and then check the facts: Viewing the absolute worst-case scenario will help you determine what you are really worried about and how likely it is to happen. If going to an indoor concert makes you nervous about having unvaccinated children at home, then this is true. But if you’re confident that your old social skills will make your best friend hate you, perhaps think twice before declining his dinner invitation.
Get more information: According to Dr. Berman, asking basic logistical questions is another great method of identifying the source of your concern. Where is the event? Who else is coming? Indoors or outdoors? How do we get there and back? What are the requirements for the mask? You may feel like an overbearing parent, but you will receive the information you need to make your choice.
If this all sounds super-elementary, then it is. The coronavirus pandemic has completely changed the way we interact with each other; it takes practice to get back to “normal”. In the meantime, it’s okay to feel anxious or lost. Just relax and pay attention to how you feel – you will understand what works for you.