How to Tell a Friend That Their Partner Sucks
Is your best friend dating an asshole? At some point, your best friend is going to date an asshole. These are facts, if you are not very lucky, and these facts suck. It hurts to see someone you care about, to date a terrible person, especially if they don’t see it yet.
What can you do? We know what you’re thinking: what if you approach them with your assessment of their jokes and they accuse you of being jealous? What if they get angry? What if they abandon you completely – and in the process become even more involved with this git? Let’s try to avoid these disastrous scenarios, shall we?
Make sure that you do not really jealous
Before we continue, are you jealous? Do a sincere self-examination in your own mind. Make sure you don’t project your anger over the sudden end to being the other half of the most important relationship in your best friend’s life.
This might be the first thing your friend will accuse you of if you run into him about this, so you need to make sure you yourself are confident in your innocence before trying to convince your friend of this.
Write down clear examples of bad behavior
One way to make sure you’re not acting out of jealousy or resentment, and to back up your point when you tell your friend about it, is to make a list. Is your girlfriend’s boyfriend getting out of place in comments under other traps of female lust on Instagram? A friend’s new girlfriend constantly borrows money and never returns it? Do you have evidence that your friend’s lover is cheating or otherwise misbehaving when he is not around?
Screenshots they send you complaining or worrying about bad behavior and use their own words to show them what they’re going through. People in bad relationships have an incredible habit of embellishing unpleasant moments, forgiving, forgetting, and sticking to rose-colored glasses. It’s not uncommon for someone to mourn their boyfriend’s lack of interest in them on Friday nights and then post a picture of them for brunch the next day. Everyone handles differently, but if your friend is forced to face the reality of his own sad comments about you, you may have a breakthrough.
If there is any other evidence of unkind or aggressive behavior that you might get your hands on, do so. This will be an emotional conversation, and concrete evidence can substantiate it and prevent you from wildly straying from the path of accusations and misunderstandings.
Don’t go alone
Roxy R., a mother of two from the Upper Midwest, has seen a lot during her upbringing. She gave great advice: do it in an intervention style.
If more than one person approaches a friend, worrying about their partner, the friend may realize that this is a bigger problem than they thought. If it’s just you, the friend may blame it on your problem, but if there are other voices, the friend may have to admit that yes, it’s a problem that’s pretty obvious to everyone but them. (And, of course, this is probably for them, obviously, so be kind; they would work hard to ignore the red flags of their partner, but they are not stupid.)
Don’t go near a bad partner
The bad partner is most likely not your friend, and you should not be lecturing to him. If you go that route, they have an easy way to debunk your fears of your friend by saying that you went behind their back to lash out at their partner.
Do not do this. Leave them. If you do this out of concern and concern, you should focus on your friend who is in a bad situation. As much as you want to yell at a partner who is cheating or cheating on your friend, it will not solve much.
Be sincere and welcoming
Set aside a place and time to do the non-threatening work. Have a nice lunch, or head to a neutral place. Don’t do this at home, for example, because you don’t want to create the appearance of attacking a friend as long as you have the advantage on home court. A café or coffee shop can be a great neutral area.
“Tell them that you love them and make it clear that it comes from your heart because you care about them,” said Chrissy P., a 28-year-old Minneapolis resident. “Put relationships first. Let’s say you tell them this because of how much they – and your relationship – mean to you. And make it obvious that you don’t want to lose them over this. “
To this end, resist the urge to leave. It’s horrible to see a friend go through something like a bad relationship, but he’ll need someone to replace him when this inevitably ends – or even earlier, during fights and fights. If you really care about them, you should see this. Giving them up will only help cement the dastardly partner’s control over them, making them feel like they have no one to turn to other than this person.
Be close to your friend. Communicate your concerns, use evidence to support yourself, and be kind. Then just hope it works, but plan to stay anyway.