Why “slow Decay” Is Worse Than Halo
Many people cannot handle the confrontation of a breakup, so they may make a vague promise to continue the relationship with a series of evasive offers. Basically, they might be like, like, maybe in the end, they will have time for you, but in reality, they hope that the relationship will gradually develop, and they will not have to finally stick to something.
This is the art of slow decay, and you may have experienced it yourself. And while ghosts – and that sucks – can annoy ghosts, the slow fading out can be even more painful.
What is this slow decay?
You may be trying to connect with an intriguer or even a platonic friend or acquaintance, but every message sent in their direction gives a vague, non-binding answer. Only one side of the couple knows that the relationship is based on life support, they just don’t want to share their true feelings. The result is confusing to the group being rejected, in large part because they have to decode all signals and connect the dots, only to find that they are being dropped.
Dr. Paulette Sherman, psychologist and author of The Sacred Baths and host of The Psychologist of Love podcast, tells Lifehacker that the act of slow fading implies disrespect for the rejected person.
On the contrary, she explained in detail why you should break up with someone differently, writing:
You can treat them the way you would like. You don’t need to go into details, but you might say that you don’t think this is a good match and it won’t work. Thus, they can live on.
It’s true that both halo and slow decay are difficult to deal with, but at least halo makes it clear that every text and phone call is sent to the void. On the contrary, slow fading creates the illusion of hope, but those hopes are always dashed.
Sherman notes that when it comes to two, a ghost is probably the lesser of two evils. She writes:
They are both painful and confusing to the other person. But given the choice, it is likely that the ghost makes it clear that the person is no longer interested and leaves.
The good news is, if you’re trying to end a casual relationship, your breakup shouldn’t be that staging. It is more than normal to express your feelings in a text or a quick phone call. When it comes to a more serious and committed relationship that has developed over the years, breaking up obviously requires a personal conversation.
Is there a gradual withering away in friendship?
This ritual applies to platonic relationships as well. It may seem a little more real to gradually distance yourself from a friend, since friendships usually don’t involve the same level of vulnerability and commitment. But you can rekindle a friendship with a little effort, rather than resorting to slow fading when you feel like your life is different from that of a friend.
“If he’s a good friend, it can be awkward and it’s important to voice your feelings so they know why your behavior and loyalty have changed,” says Sherman. “There may be a way to cope with it or agree to change the level of your relationship, and both understand why.”
Instead of being afraid of a friend’s potential judgment, it’s better to be honest, Sherman said. Fading slowly is never a kind or empathetic way to end a relationship with a romantic partner, and friendships are no exception.