How to Raise a Confident Child
Anyone who has ever tried to teach a child to tie their shoelaces knows how long it can take for them to get it right – and how frustrated they are in the meantime. But in the end the moment comes when it clicks. And just at that moment when their failures turn into successes and their persistence pays off, a little self-confidence arises.
Some babies are born naturally confident, but for others, confidence is a muscle that needs to be strengthened over time. Here are some ways that parents can help their children have more confidence in themselves – and perhaps even in themselves.
Be an example when you learn something new
The saying goes: “Fake until you get it.” And this expression can really be applied to set an example for your children when you are learning something new. The Child Mind Institute suggests that it’s okay to be aware of your own anxiety as you learn a new skill, but to be enthusiastic as you learn it. Likewise, Psychology Today adds that parents should keep any negative comments to themselves and treat themselves with grace and kindness. You wouldn’t tell your kids anything bad when they struggle or make a mistake, so don’t say that about yourself.
Celebrate their resilience
You didn’t beat your favorite video game on the first try; it took numerous tries over several weeks to finally defeat the big bad guy and save the princess, but you reached the end because you didn’t give up.
Perseverance is an important skill to instill in your child at an early age, whether he’s trying to get to the finish line during a Mario Kart round, learning how to use a pencil correctly, or throwing a soccer ball. Be specific about your praise, rather than using general statements like “Nice job” or “You’re so smart.” Praising effort, not outcome, goes a long way in promoting sustainability.
Help children find what they are interested in
It can be difficult to instill independence in your child if you only show them what interests you . Whether your son or daughter wants to try a new sport, learn to play the flute, or acquire another skill that grabs their attention, this is an opportunity for them to develop their personality and help them gain confidence in what they enjoy.
According to the Institute for the Child’s Mind , when a child grows talent in an area they are passionate about, it is a natural increase in their self-esteem.
Assign goals
Any dream can seem big in the eyes of a child, and most likely they do not know how to turn it into reality, which can be discouraging. The Child Mind Institute encourages parents to help break down tasks into easily achievable goals. This method, which Psychology Today calls “scaffolding,” gives your child a taste of success, as well as a structure that he can use throughout his life to build his self-confidence and achieve his dreams.
Also, don’t do anything for your child – train and encourage him instead. This will not only help them feel successful (and show them that you are confident in their abilities), but it will also help parents cope with their own worries and need to keep things in check. By constantly interfering, children never learn anything on their own. Start by sitting with your child and make a list of what he would like to achieve; then build from there.
Let your kids fail
Billy Joel is not a psychologist, but the pianist hummed in his hit “You’re Only Human” that “you learn more from your accidents than anything you could ever learn in school.” We do not recommend that your child skip school, but it is through failure that we grow and develop. The Institute for the Child’s Mind says that if your child falls short of their goals, it may help them find another solution to their goal – and may even encourage them to redouble their efforts in the future, which will also help them become resilient adults.
We are humans. We are all wrong. Help your child realize that failure is part of life. It’s not something to get hung up on, but rather something to learn and move on. Keep setting them up for success, teach them to accept their flaws, and let them know that you will love them no matter what.