How to Stop Looking at Your Ex on Social Media

After the breakup, you may find yourself forced to look at your ex’s Instagram (or Facebook, or Venmo, or LinkedIn …). Ideally, you’ll see them do a poor job and you might feel like a winner, although you know that’s not true: most people don’t post their bad moments online.

You are more likely to see that they are doing well – or they are pretending – and that can hurt. Also, you shouldn’t try to “beat” them anyway; you must try to heal and move on for your own benefit. So, it’s time to stop sneaking up on your ex. Here are a few things to try.

Why you should block your ex on social media

Here’s the harsh truth: Not only do you not need to see this person’s messages, but they also do not need to see yours. If you refrain from blocking your ex because you think you want them to see you thrive or look good, be honest with yourself. You come up with excuses to delay their exclusion from your life.

In the immortal words of Cynthia Bailey from Atlanta ‘s Real Housewives : Delete. Erase. Unsubscribe. Whatever. “Get them off your social media.

Of course, this simplest step does not guarantee that you will no longer search for their profile. Kelsey Wickman, who writes about internet culture, social media, and Gen Z for Verizon Media, told Lifehacker that after a performative or symbolic lockout, many people switch to using their torches or sub accounts to sneak up on their ex. She cited a trend on TikTok in which creators admit to doing just that, among other “toxic” behavior after a breakup. You’re not alone.

Call for help to break your crawling habit

Weekman suggested looking into apps that would completely ban you from using social media , but she also noted that your friends can perform similar duties.

Katherine, a 29-year-old Upper Midwesterner who declined to reveal her last name because she didn’t want blocked exes to receive any new information about her, said friends helped her break her creeping habit. In the first two weeks after the breakup, she said, she checked her ex-boyfriend’s Twitter, Instagram and Facebook at least once a day, and sometimes more often.

“It was so strange not to communicate with him and not know what he is doing all the time. I felt that looking at his social networks, I could not text him, ”she said. “I was also worried that I would see pictures of him with other girls.”

This combination of loneliness and anxiety caused her to check his accounts so often that she even did it when she was out with her friends, one of whom finally snapped back while they were at the diner, forcing Katherine to lock him in place. She said it “definitely helped.”

Make a decision and take responsibility

Breaking a habit requires self-determination. Friends can tell you to leave your ex alone, stop biting your nails or quit smoking, and you can buy products to help you end this behavior. However, just like you could just skip nicotine gum and smoke a cigarette without your accountability friends, you can bypass the blockage and return to your bad sneaking habit again.

You must make the decision to stop. Realize that it is not good for you to focus on the other person and not on yourself. You broke up for a reason. There were problems in the relationship. You have given them enough of your time and energy. The moment has come to stop concentrating on them and turn it inward instead.

Plus, it really won’t do you any good when they have a new partner and you stop comparing your relationship to the breakup with theirs and start comparing yourself to the new person.

“You must decide for yourself that you want to stop talking to this person. You have to say, “I’ll do what I’m going to do to finally feel better,” said Wickman, who has explored TikTok’s “rip side” and how the recently released single turned their healing into performance. or openly admit toxicity by encouraging each other to hide in the profiles of their ex. “If you are really above them, then you will block them.”

Don’t scold yourself

But what about the fact that you do not actually overcome them – at least, not yet?

While you must take responsibility, pull yourself together, and stop the nasty cycle of searching their profile for new followers or for clues about the identity of your inevitable successor, you must also remember that healing takes time and is different for everyone. Give yourself a little grace. If you look at their Insta, even after the no-peep streak, don’t be discouraged.

Or, as Wickman suggests, use the unpleasant sensation as a barrier to avoid repeating it again.

“Shame can be a really good motivator, but it never gets better,” she said. So yeah, admit you screwed up, but don’t get hung up on it.

Katherine agreed, saying, “Of course, this is easier said than done, but try not to feel guilty because we literally all do this. Everyone sneaks up on their ex. “

Then she brought us back to our starting point: “But if it becomes unhealthy or hurts you, be sure to block them.” So what are you waiting for?