How to Introduce Your Little One to His Younger Brother or Sister
While waiting for a baby can be an exciting time, if you already have a toddler at home, you are probably wondering how to handle adding a new family member without making your older child feel crowded out. However, there are ways to prepare throughout your pregnancy, in the early days, weeks and months, to help your little one get used to their new role as an older brother or sister.
Use simple language and role-play
Greeting a brother or sister into a family is going to be a pretty abstract topic for any toddler, so the key to get started is to use simple, clear, prosaic language – and there are any number of boards you can find to help you get started. But remember that timing doesn’t really matter to your little one, so you can wait until you get pregnant enough that it won’t be forever for them.
Child psychiatrist Dr. Helen Egger says that after you start these conversations in simple, age-appropriate language, it can be helpful to role-play them using a doll or stuffed animal to pretend you are swinging feeding the baby. a child pretending to change diapers – even practicing sneaking into the bedroom so as not to wake the “baby”.
“Let your toddler take the lead so you can kind of gauge their feelings,” says Egger, co-founder and chief physician of Little Otter , a mental health service for children. “They may not really want to talk about it that much, so you shouldn’t stress it too much if they’re not thinking about it.”
Egger also notes that young children love to hear about how they were babies, so you can talk about how it was when they were born and you brought them home to help them feel included and connected to the experience.
Prepare them for their birthday in advance
One of the potentially most difficult parts of the process for them may be the actual birthday of the child, because they will be taken from you for a few hours or days, depending on the current restrictions COVID, may not even be able to visit you and the newborn in the hospital or birthing home. As the time approaches, be sure to tell them what will happen that day and who will take care of them so that they are less surprised or worried when it actually happens.
Egger also suggests that when you pack your own hospital bag, you pack a “birthing bag” for your baby too. You can fill it with a few special toys or books and maybe your little I love you card and the person who cares for them can surprise them with this on their big day. You will also want to prepare them in advance for the idea that newborn babies are small and fragile – and not immediately enjoyable.
“Children may think they can play with a newborn, which will be great,” says Egger. “But the truth is, you want your toddler to know that tiny little babies basically sleep, eat and cry, and it will take a while before they become playmates.”
When you really introduce them to their new sibling, she says it’s important to stay close, guide them, and encourage them to touch gently – and not leave them alone with your child until you’re sure they know how to do it. … safely interact with them.
Let them ignore their little brother or sister
You can hope that your little one will instantly bond with his little brother or sister and fall in love with him, but it’s important not to pressure it. In fact, your little one can completely ignore the newborn – and that’s okay.
“They’re going to build their relationship soon enough,” Egger says. “You want to give the other child space to warm up with this new family member, and to walk up and meet him at a pace that suits them.”
A toddler who ignores his little brother or sister need not worry – ignoring that sibling is just one strategy young children should keep in mind when introducing this new person who is consuming a lot of their parents’ attention.
In addition, young children love to be helpers, so having their help with childcare from time to time, such as pulling out diapers to change diapers, can create a positive interaction. But, according to Egger, you have to be careful not to always put the older child in the role of “helper.” They should not be expected to grow up and become “big kids” just because the child has joined the family. In fact, you may even see some regression in your child towards things he has previously mastered, such as potty training.
“It’s completely normal,” she says. “If your child regresses in some way, don’t criticize. This is a sign that they are under stress and need additional reassurance and time with you. They need to know that they are also your precious child. “
Setting aside at least five or 10 minutes a day to give them your full attention can go a long way in providing that confidence.
Catch them when they get along well with the baby
We know that children are so hungry for attention that they will choose negative attention if they cannot receive positive diversity. Keep this in mind when interacting with your little one during the first weeks and months when you are an older brother or sister. You probably want to drop a lot of “no’s” if you see them doing something that might be unsafe for the baby, or if they make noise while the baby sleeps. But if this is the main way they get your attention during this time, it can actually lead to an increase in the behavior that you want to get rid of, because it fuels their need for attention.
Instead, Egger says that you should try to “catch” them in a good relationship with the child and give a lot of praise for the positive and gentle behavior you want to see.
“Make a fuss over them when they do something good,” she says. “Hug them and kiss them; give them positive attention for positive behavior and interaction. “
Finally, it is important to be aware of and empathize with the hard or negative feelings they may be experiencing right now – I know it must be so hard to wait to go to the park because the baby is asleep! – but do it so as not to dwell on these feelings. Eggers invites you to acknowledge those feelings, offer your support, hug them again, and then distract them by singing a song or making silly faces.