How to Be a Softer Parent (and What It Really Means)
When last week I wrote about what to think about that, is not it time to change our parenting styles, when we come out of the pandemic, one reader asked me to ask me if I had ever heard about the gentle upbringing. I didn’t think I had, but it definitely sounded good, so I decided to dive into the topic. I have found that this is the type of parenting I am trying to achieve: for parents who want to focus on fostering empathy in their children, respect and show respect, maintain age-appropriate expectations for behavior, and set and enforce important requirements. borders.
What is Gentle Parenting?
Well, first, let’s start with what gentle parenting is not . Gentle parenting is sometimes equated with affection education, but while there can certainly be many overlaps, they are not the same thing. While bond is at the center of both attachment and affectionate parenting, attachment parents seek to achieve this bond, in particular through activities such as breastfeeding, sleeping together, and carrying a baby. However, any parent can approach gentle parenting, regardless of how they feed their child or where everyone sleeps.
Gentle parenting can also be mistaken for the indulgent parenting we are talking about here , but they are not the same thing either. Indulgent parents stay away, do little to impose rules, and see themselves more as “friends” to their child. Good parents have rules and boundaries, and they abide by them – they just do it with respect, empathy, and positivity.
Here is an excerpt from the book Dr Sarah Okvell Smith from the Book of the tender upbringing: how to grow more calm and happy children , written by Dr. Sarah Okvell Smith , in which gentle education compared with other styles of parenting:
For too long, parenting has been seen as a struggle. A battle for control between parent and child. Some parenting methods transfer all control to [the parents] out of fear that the little tyrants will become uncontrollable monsters as they grow. Other methods give children too much control, and parents are afraid to discipline when necessary, for fear of upsetting their fragile offspring. Careful parenting is about finding a balance of control, giving children as much as they can handle, and parents setting boundaries and limits accordingly. Careful parenting is about always remembering the long-term consequences of parenting actions, as well as the immediate security needs and expectations of society.
“Soft” parenting is a type of “authoritative” parenting in which rules are established and followed, but with an emphasis on building a positive relationship with the child and taking into account his feelings and opinions. In gentle parenting, the goal is for children to respect their parents and parents to respect children, and although discipline plays a large role in relationships, it is always age appropriate and applied for educational purposes , not punishment.
Meek parents want to build agreement through a strong, positive bond with their children, and they want to treat their children as fully formed people who demand and deserve some degree of autonomy. However, they also want to be careful not to overestimate , as Dr Alisa Pressman , co-founder and clinical programming director of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center, told Mind Body Green :
“Using praise as motivation sometimes works for kids,” says Pressman. “But you have to be careful not to overestimate them in an attempt to build trust, as this undermines their confidence. Children learn to think they need external validation in order to feel good, or they feel the need to always receive praise. “
The pitfalls of gentle parenting
If you are going to give a chance to “gentle parenting,” you must also remember to be gentle with yourself . You cannot be so focused on children that you leave your own needs at the door. This type of parenting requires a lot of emotional regulation and patience from you, and it will be much more difficult if you yourself are mentally and emotionally exhausted. You should also plan for tough, obviously tough days – and that’s okay too. You are playing a long game here, and in the short term, you are bound to make mistakes.
Another thing to be careful about with loving upbringing is not to go to a Land without Borders. Being “gentle” does not mean letting children do whatever they want to keep the peace. Children can and will feel sadness, anger, and frustration – no amount of gentleness of yours can prevent this, and should not. You can be soft and hard about your boundaries. These two things are not mutually exclusive.
If you’d like to hear what this sounds like in practice, I suggest checking out theGood Inside podcastwith Dr. Becky , in which she answers listeners’ questions about how to deal with issues such as kids not listening, tantrums, and screen time. …