How to Regain a Sense of Control When Your Naked Bodies Ooze (or Even Earlier)
Taking nude photos is exciting, right? Sending them is fun and hot, just like receiving them. It’s all fun and games … for now, sometimes it’s not.
If you’ve been sexting, you know it has ups and downs, especially when you stop talking to the person on the other end of the line. Do your ex and former comrades in Tinder still have these photos, and knowing that they are on someone else’s phone, and possibly in the game for distribution to people you do not approve of, can cause anxiety.
Whether your nude photos have been shared or leaked, or you’re just afraid it’s happening, here’s how to regain your sense of control.
Touch base with the person who has them
If it’s safe to do so , reach out to the one-time recipient of these photos and politely ask them to remove any hot photos they might have even years later. Provided that your breakup was peaceful and they weren’t a vengeful, violent-prone guide, they’ll probably say that’s not a problem. Use your judgment here. If the person is still suffering from being abandoned or otherwise showing signs of seeking revenge, don’t call them and remind them that they have potentially embarrassing photos somewhere deep in their inbox.
Going ahead, establish some ground rules with potential sexting partners so that you don’t have to go through this troubling cycle over and over again. Obviously, you never expect someone you are talking to to pounce on you, but always expect them in advance to delete whatever you send. Promise them that you will remove whatever you get from them – and make sure you follow through.
Try to think practically
Don’t fall into a panic spiral that someone might be transmitting images of your intimate body parts without even knowing it. We all have exes. Everyone has potential incriminating evidence . It is what it is. Your photos are here like everyone else. The likelihood that someone is putting them up for sale for no reason is actually quite low, unless they indicate otherwise. Who really has time?
There are several ways to remind yourself of this improbability and arm yourself with concrete knowledge of whether your nightmare scenario is coming true. Use a reverse image site like TinEye to search for your own photos and see if they’ve been posted on, say, a bulletin board.
Here’s the truth: it will be terrible if they are published, but you know much better. Either way, nudity is a great balancing factor; Since the advent of digital cameras and smartphones, everyone has them, so this is no longer news. The leak is definitely less of a professional or social death sentence than it used to be, although that makes it just as devastating. Vanessa Williams has lost her Miss America crown due to nude images. For Jennifer Lawrence, who refuses to apologize when she appeared online, the future. It’s better to know if yours are there, but even if they are, it’s not the end of the world. You’re not alone.
Want to ease your anxiety even further? Block your social networks for a while.
Danielle, a Minnesota woman, told Lifehacker how what she called an “emotional romance” with a married man ended after his wife found her naked bodies in his DM and threatened him with divorce.
“She looked at my Instagram stories and then tried to add me to her personal page, then to her fitness page, and then to her business page,” said Danielle, who has a personal account that requires her approved subscription requests. To prevent an angry spouse from finding out her personal information, she said: “I blocked my Instagram, deleted everything from my profile and changed my profile photo to something in common.”
These actions stopped what Danielle described as “real panic” over the idea that her digital lover’s real wife could identify and connect with her real husband. She became much calmer and more in control after de-personalizing her social media. However, “it took her several weeks” for her nerves to calm down, so don’t expect immediate results.
Focus yourself
If someone does share your intimate photos, remember that they say a lot more about their character than about your body.
Janelle Martinez, a Utah resident, experienced this several years ago. After Martinez and the four-year-old decided they didn’t want to get married and broke up, they waited a bit to go on a date again. In the end, they found a new boyfriend, and with him happiness, but the ex did not really like it. He began sending Martinez their own naked bodies as a taunt long after they forgot he even had them.
Moreover, he sent photos that were not even sent to him. Martinez concluded, but never proved, that he still had their iCloud password and logged in, stole recent nude photos that weren’t meant for him, and held them over his head.
It is clear that in this situation, anyone would start to lose their mind. It took Martinez a while to ground himself, but this is how they did it: “I remember that there are so many parts in me that he never knew and never will. He is a resentful person who will never get the help he needs. I provided unconditional love to a person who only knew how to destroy and control things and people. Since I left him, I am happily married, on medication, and receive regular therapy. Honestly, in the end I’m proud of my body and not responsible for other people’s difficult feelings for me. It’s none of my business.”
It will take a while for you to feel like it’s none of your business, especially if someone is sharing your photos and making them strangers in the process, but remember that you didn’t do anything wrong. The distributor is wrong, not you.
Know your legal rights and maybe become a lawyer
You may have read this far, hoping that the fear of spreading is in your head and it won’t actually happen to you. I hope for you too.
But if it did, or does happen, if you find your nude photos on the Internet or someone warns you that they are being transmitted, you become a victim of so-called “revenge porn”.
The laws are different in every state, but you’ll be glad to know that there are remedies for revenge porn victims. Start Here: The Cyber Civil Rights Initiative breaks down laws by state and then provides resources on how to request removal of images from various sites that you are entitled to.
Check out the exact laws of your state, then consider going to the police and filing a report. There are even lawyers specializing in revenge porn. Google which ones are near you.
“An experienced lawyer can help obtain restraining or protective orders through family court and intervene in school and / or employer affairs if online content affects the victim’s study, employment, or employment opportunities,” said Carrie Goldberg, founder of CA Goldberg … , PLLC Victims Law Firm . “We can help you protect you with law enforcement if the crime involves harassment, juvenile material, illegal tracking, extortion, or a violation of any other law. And we can file a lawsuit against the culprit. “
She continued, “There are legal tools such as letters of termination and unsubscription, removal of content under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA), petitions against online service providers to de-anonymize users, and subpoenas for confirmation of the identity of the suspect through social networks. media sites, website hosts and / or IP addresses. “
In short: you have legal opportunities.
However, this practical guide is all about regaining a sense of control over a situation, be it anxiety and disaster, or the actual dissemination of your personal images. You are in charge. You can do whatever you want. Nobody forces you to go to the police or do anything else that you don’t want to do, but you should definitely know that you have a choice.
“I really didn’t realize I could do anything about it years ago,” Martinez said. However, they did not report it even now and do not doubt this decision. If you think retelling the details to a police officer or lawyer will only hurt you more, you only need to understand your motives.
Do what works for you, but remember that you did nothing wrong, and whatever choice you make will be the right one.