Make Sure Your Kids Know Your Divorce Is No Secret.
There are so many things to consider when you should tell your kids that you are going to divorce ( we have a detailed guide on this ). You want to show as much respectful and united front as possible; you want to make sure they know that both parents will continue to love and support them, and that it is not because of what they did. But one thing you might not think about saying is what they might need to hear: it’s not a secret.
While you may be feeling some guilt or shame about an impending divorce, Dr. Joanna Stern, a senior clinical psychologist at the Institute of the Child’s Mind , says it’s important to let kids know it’s not something they’re ashamed of. and that they can seek support wherever they need it. Younger children, in particular, can struggle with what is happening seriously, but if they have never heard of someone talking about it, they may think that it should be kept secret, not allowing them to seek appropriate support.
“It’s important that our kids know that … they will feel the same as [divorce], and if they want to talk to us, great; we also want to talk to them, ”she says. “But if they want to talk about it with their friends, especially school children, teenagers or teenagers, then they should talk about it with their friends.”
You can emphasize that you support them by talking to someone who will make the process easier for them, be it a reliable teacher, school counselor, or family member. They may also want to maintain confidentiality for now, which is fine too.
However, Stern points out that if a child, who usually relies heavily on friends’ support, doesn’t want to tell anyone for an extended period of time, it could be a sign that he is in denial that divorce will actually happen. In this case, you need to be sure to find out how they feel.